Frozen Tranquil Diaries from Kirkwall
by Ysolde
Summary: Elsa Arendelle is a Tranquil Mage in the Kirkwall chantry, but she wasn't always. Once she was a powerful Queen in a world vastly different from Thedas. This is her Diary it chronicles her journey as a Tranquil mage who isn't. A Tranquil mage with Ice Powers greater than any magic seen before . . . This story is technically a continuation of my short story "Steel and Ice"
1. Chapter 1

**928 Dragon, Matrinalis 1** **st**

To begin, my name is Elsa Arendelle and I am a Tranquil. That is a mage of the circle who could not survive their Harrowing or did not wish to take the Harrowing. In my memories of the time before I sense is that I did not wish to take the Harrowing, that I deserved to become Tranquil.

I have been at the Kirkwall circle for almost two years now and one of my duties is to assist new initiates as they arrive. I also show them around and provide clothing as well as an understanding of the rules in our circle. There are many rules here that must be followed and punishments that are given for disobedience. Over the last two years the rules have grown and the punishments have become more severe. Most mages and enchanters say this is due to Knight Commander Meredith Stannard's influence.

I have begun this journal today after bringing in an initiate who is much older than we normally get. On average the new initiates are between 8 and 12 years old. New Initiate to the Kirkwall Circle, Bethany Hawke, is a Black haired woman of about 21 years of age. I was bringing her to her new room and speaking, "I am Elsa Arendelle a Tranquil here at the circle. If you need anything you may request it from me and I will endeavor to assist you. Normally I spend a portion of each day assisting with the evening meal so if you would be kind enough to avoid clashing with that order."

I showed her into her room and for a moment my eyes met with hers. Deep brown pools seemed to gaze into me. For a moment I felt something warm and a smile came to my lips. "Oh, you smiled. It looks nice on you."

I nodded, "Yes, well some of us are able to remember social functions. I have been told that I am one of the few who can take initiative and perform unsupervised. This is why I am usually the person who brings initiates to their room and explains things. My presence is also mandated by Knight Commander Meredith Stannard who has ordered that every new initiate see a Tranquil mage so as to understand the importance of the task in front of them."

"You're a warning you mean?"

"I believe that is indeed the case."

She sighed, "Is it really as bad here as they say?"

"I do not know who says what so I am unable to inform you on this question."

She laughs a bit, "Wow that smile really is a social construct isn't it?"

"Mostly yes. Tranquil do not have emotions or desires. Many of us are barely able to follow simple orders and even those of us who have some initiative and ability to work on our own have little in the way of desires."

She put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes, "In my opinion that is horrible, but we can be friends anyway yes?"

No one had yet to make this request and it was not against any rules so I said, "Yes that is acceptable."

She smiled at me, "What else do you do?"

"Prepare meals, assist the mages and Templars."

"I wonder what your diary would look like."

I shrugged, "I do not know I don't have one."

"You should try it sometime."

The conversation continued from there about her room, how to requisitions things and what I knew about the Harrowing. I provided all information requested and came to my room. Then I began this journal.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 2** **nd**

I spent six hours of my day in cleaning tasks and two in dinner preparation. When I came back to my room Initiate Bethany Hawke came to see me. She spoke at some length about her sister and a trip to the deep roads that went well for the other woman. Except of course for the minor fact that when she came home Bethany was taken to the circle.

I spoke saying, "It could have been worse. You could have been forced to take the rite of Tranquility."

Initiate Bethany Hawke nodded and said, "Not a requirement and they didn't have any evidence that I was maleficarum. Just Apostate and I went willingly enough. I didn't want there to be a fight and I guess I was just tired of running."

She stared at me, "What about your past?"

"I can't remember it. Other Tranquil can, but it does not do to dwell on things that cannot be changed. Best to work into the future and do work that must be done."

She nodded and left.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 3** **rd**

Today I spent seven hours of my day cleaning the classrooms after the enchanters finished teaching. Once that was complete I assisted with food preparation.

It seems very useless to put such information in my journal. After reading some other journals it seems as if only information that is out of normal patterns is included in a journal. After learning this detail I have determined that I will do the same.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 5** **th**

I continue to notice that other Tranquil seem to sit around more than I do. I spend at least twelve hours of my day performing jobs and doing things. There is always something that needs to be done be it cleaning the cellar or returning books or even light research.

It seems better to be busy than to sit and think. Sitting and thinking can lead to thoughts of the time before. These thoughts inevitably end at shadows and something horrible. I can hear my own voice screaming _"Noo!"_

Fear and sadness fill me and I should not even be able to feel such things at all. Time and again I have been told that Tranquil have no emotions, that we are barely useful at all. Seeing many other Tranquil I believe the words and yet something about me is different.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 15** **th**

Initiate Bethany Hawke came to see me again today. She will be taking her harrowing in five days.

"Once I am a full mage I can begin teaching initiates. Still it worries me facing a demon in the fade is that why you decided to undergo the rite of Tranquility? A few other Tranquil say they weren't very powerful, but others they just absently do tasks barely even able to think."

I nod slowly, "Apparently it isn't the same for all Tranquil, however I feel that I was not afraid of demons." I don't say what I feel inside that I was afraid of myself. Something I did in the past still echoes in the here and now.

"Hmm does it feel cold in here?" Bethany looks out the window and touches it. "It's warm outside I wonder why it's so cold in here?"

Her words break me away from my thoughts and she shrugs, "Hmm seems fine now, maybe it was just a chill wind."

When she leaves I think about that. Something happened when I thought of the past some power deep inside me. Even as I think about it I feel it welling underneath. I pull just a bit to the surface and a burst of ice flips rom my hand. Words come to my lips and I speak to myself, "Conceal, don't feel."

What do the words mean and do they have anything to do with this great well of power inside me. I push it down and send it away. Tranquil cannot perform magic . . . or is it may not? I will check the library.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 16** **th**

Tranquil cannot perform magic. All the books agree that it is impossible we are not connected to the Fade therefor we are not able to perform magic. The books are wrong, and yet I have also been told that I cannot perform magic. Is it possible that the orders are what keep Tranquil from using magic?

I think that may be the case or at least it is my case. I am not allowed to perform magic therefore I cannot.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 20** **th**

Mage Bethany Hawke passed her Harrowing today. She spoke with me and asked to see my journal. I responded that such information was private. She accepted that and moved on to telling me about her Harrowing. It seemed to me that her experience in using magic outside the circle was what enabled her to pass.

She asked me more about my own past then and I am putting more of what I recall down here in my journal. I remember being from a kingdom very far away. Something seems to suggest that this kingdom is beyond Thedas, beyond the veil even. I am not truly sure.

There is still that image of pain and I am screaming a single word, _"No!"_. This scene seems to instill some essence of my former life. Yet I am not willing to brave the emotions to find out more. This is especially true since it is these very same emotions that link to the deep well of power inside me.

As for how I came to the circle I recall searching it out when I arrived or maybe being taken to it by Templars who found me performing magic on the street. Those things are the totality of my memories of the time before the Rite of Tranquility.

 **928 Dragon, Matrinalis 22** **nd**

Mage Bethany Hawke continues to request a posting as an enchanter so that she can teach the younger students. It has been slow going, but she has some hope that she will get a class soon.

I tell her that I hope the same. Not that I truly have any hopes, but social manners indicate that if Bethany wishes to treat me as a friend I should act in accordance. So I use social pleasantries and hopefully she understands that I do not literally have any hopes or dreams.

 **928 Dragon, Umbralis 1st **

Enchanter Bethany Hawke has finally gained a class of students. She has requested that I assist her with her teaching duties. I do not feel that task would interfere with greatly with my evening meal preparations or my task to escort new initiates. I will simply remind people that I am busy for the evening meal and during Enchanter Bethany Hawke's classes. That still leaves eleven hours in a day that are not encompassed by slumber. In addition, in emergencies, I could go without a requisite eight hours of sleep.

 **928 Dragon, Umbralis 2nd **

Practical Magic for young adults class roster:

Amberlee Hanaras is a female city elf of 12 with black hair and green eyes

Andre Smith is a male human of 13 with blond hair and brown eyes

Bertha Thomson is a female human of 13 with brown hair and brown eyes

Candith Reynolds is a female human of 12 with silver hair and blue eyes

Daren Marchant is a male Dalish elf of 13 he shaves his head and has brown eyes

Fialla Falavahn is a female city elf of 12 with black hair and blue eyes

Jared Jamisson is a human male of 13 with brown hair and blue eyes

Lee Ann Gardenner is a female human of 13 with brown hair and brown eyes

Mikel Morrinson is a male human of 12 with black hair and grey eyes

Niam M'thenn is a female Dalish elf of 13 with red hair and green eyes

Peter Soren is a male human of 12 with blonde hair and hazel eyes

If these students are to take their Harrowing at the same age as Bethany then we have seven or so years to teach them everything they may need. I hope it will be enough.

 **928 Dragon, Umbralis 16** **th**

Enchanter Bethany Hawke asks me to come to her room quite often after class. We usually discuss the progress of the students and grade work that is not physical demonstrations. Then I depart and prepare the evening meal.

At least three times per week now Enchanter Bethany Hawke has also come to see me after I finish my duties at the evening meal. Most of these conversations seem to serve little purpose and I even tell her so and yet she persists in them.

 **928 Dragon, Umbralis 20** **th**

Today was Jared Jammison's birthday. The 14 year old human was unhappy when presented with baked goods in class saying, "I'm too old to have a baby party."

I did note that he did not return any gifts though. However with his stated request we will not do anything next time.

 **928 Dragon, Umbralis 30** **th**

I have noted that I seem more than able to function on just four hours of sleep. Thus is I can do research on my own and I have spent many hours in the library going over magical theory and assisting with lesson plans. Even so there are many students who need individual attention and time in the cellars to actually work magic. I have offered my time to come with them and watch any practice.

This information has gotten around and I have posted a schedule sheet on my door for four hours each morning of the week in fifteen minute segments so as to ensure no young mage exhausts their mana. The priority on practices is for students of Enchanter Bethany's class.

 **928 Dragon, Cassus 3** **rd**

Initiate Fialla Falavahn is on my practice schedule every day now. It is clear that she is ahead of the other students in class. Many of the books I have read say you can feel when magic is being drawn feel the opening to the Fade, but I have yet to feel anything of the sort. Perhaps Initiate Fialla's magic is not powerful enough or perhaps I truly am disconnected from the Fade. If that is the case, then where is the well of power inside me coming from?

 **928 Dragon, Cassus 7** **th**

Early this morning, since it was after midnight, Enchanter Bethany Hawke came into my room after knocking. When I opened the door I had to catch her because she fell. She then grasped me close to her hugging and whispering softly, "So pretty, but you don't feel anathin do ya?"

I didn't know what to say so I just gently put her down and shrugged. She pulled me close and pressed her lips against mine, the feeling was soft and wet. Her head pressed into my shoulder then and she began to cry. "Don't know why I like you so much. Then again no others here are like me at all; maybe my mind just says that you are even though you're tranquil. I shouldn't though. . you can't even say no."

She fell asleep soon after and I put her in bed, and then went about preparing an anti-nausea potion and a pain potion for the morning.

When the morning came she asked if she had 'done anything' and I replied that she had not. It seemed the friendly thing to do. There was no reason to alarm her with her drunken ramblings.

 **928 Dragon, Cassus 12** **th**

Niam M'thenn had her birthday today. The red haired Dalish elf turned 14 and seemed quite happy to have baked goods and presents today. I baked small cakes and the presents were small things that I was able to make or purchase for her.

Something like a new staff was greatly appreciated and easily made.


	2. Chapter 2

**930 Dragon, Pluitanis 1** **st**

Today was Mikkel Morrinson's birthday. He turned 13 and the male human was quite happy to receive baked goods and presents. So much so that he hugged me.

It was not an unpleasant feeling though I was somewhat surprised. Enchanter Bethany Hawke did whisper in my ear, "When someone hugs you, you should hug them back."

I will remember this information next time.

 **930 Dragon, Pluitanis 3** **rd**

Three of Enchanter Bethany Hawke's students have been imprisoned in their rooms. She asked if I would look in on them. So I took time to grab some food and seek each of them out. After I looked in on the students I would help grade papers.

I looked in on Fialla first. As I have mentioned she is a twelve year old elf with black hair, brown eyes, and no vallaslin this means she must be a city elf. I ensured she had food and water then said, "Are you well Fialla."

"No . . . no . . . you wouldn't understand! Just go!"

Having spent a good deal of time with the young girl I knew that she did not actually wish me to leave, "Is that truly your request Fialla? You want me to leave without giving you any food?"

The door opened and she invited me in taking the tray of food and saying, "It was just a stupid accident. They are having us stay in these rooms because of such a silly thing why?"

"I am not sure? What was the silly thing?"

Initiate Fialla Falavahn smiled wide and said, "Well Jared wanted to play a trick on Templar Evvid. The big fat one you know him?"

I looked at her remembering Evvid was a balding human who was somewhat overweight. I spoke softly saying, "It is not polite to speak about those who are overweight in such a tone."

"Oh Elsa! If he wasn't such a big meanie we wouldn't, but he kicks us when he walks by. Does it all the time you know. So Jared made a fake leg and added some flash powder to it. When Evvid kicked him he made a big explosion and was covered in syrup!"

She broke down into gales of laughter at her own revelation. As she recovered from laughing I spoke, "It seems funny yes, however did you not think of consequences to your actions? Could you not have spoken to Enchanter Bethany or someone in charge about this behavior?"

"I guess we didn't think of that, but would anything have been done Elsa?"

I shrugged knowing that the Templar order had a great deal of power here in the circle of mages in Kirkwall. Maybe they would look into the charges or maybe they would not. The fact of this matter was that she could be right, "I am not sure Fialla, however your actions had consequence and so you must serve the two day in room detention."

She nodded and hugged me, I was getting used to this affection, "As long as I get food from you Elsa!"

She laughed and began eating and I left her room to take the cart around to the next student on my mental list. Jared Jamisson is a human male with blonde hair and brown eyes. He is 13 and two years ago he put a small explosive in my ink and laughed. I recall the incident clearly even as I am knocking on his door. There was little reason for his 'prank' on me and I wonder a little just how much Templar Evvid deserved his prank? Did the Templar really kick Jared?

At his room I ensured he had food and water, but he simply threw them at me after I placed them on his table. "Go away you ignorant cow!"

I departed without informing him that I was not a bovine nor was I ignorant. He should really study more if he wishes to learn.

I went to the third room and knocked. Lee Ann Gardenner was in here. I remembered that she was a 13 year old human with brown hair and green eyes, even as I was opening the door. Once the heavy oak door was open I walked into her room. She was hanging high on the ceiling with a rope around her neck and her head was twisted at an unnatural angle.

Inside I am feeling pain it wells up along with power, immense power. I want her down from there and the power responds a pillar of ice builds under her holding her gently even as a sharp disk of ice slices through the rope. Her body is held gently in the pillar and I will the pillar to slowly subside until she is lying on the ground. Even lying there I know she is dead I pull at the power inside and I feel all of the water in her body waiting for my call, but that is not healing power. I pull harder and snow begins to fall in the room yet no healing power flows.

The power swirled inside me gigantic and immense and yet it was mine to control. A memory hit me there a gravelly voice saying, _"Fear will be your enemy."_ As a Tranquil I have no fears I should have no emotions at all and yet there is this pain inside me. I held her body trying to bring her back to life and another memory hit me. I remember it vividly a shining steel sword cleaving through an ice statue and my own remembered scream _"Noo!"_

I could do nothing for her and Tranquil cannot perform magic. Words came to my mind then and I spoke, "Conceal, don't feel." With those words I pushed the power away and with it went the sadness.

The snowflakes disappeared from the room and no more power was going through me. I could still feel it though deep inside waiting for my call. I took the body of Initiate Lee Ann Gardenner down to Healer Allaste. Healer Allaste is a human woman with white hair and blue eyes I do not know her age, but physical signs suggest that she is elderly. Also she is one of the few people in the circle here whose full name I do not know.

The elderly woman gasped softly as I placed the dead body on a bed saying, "She's still a babe, and it wasn't a Harrowing?"

"No, she hung herself Healer Allaste. I do not understand why?"

The healer shook her head slowly. "Just Allaste dear and I wish I could tell you, but it could be any number of things. Life here in the circle is hard and sometimes even the young can be done with it."

She was examining Initiate Lee Ann Gardenner's dead body. "Could I have healed her if I knew more?"

She shook her head, "No, it looks like she died instantly. You did everything you could." I looked into her eyes and saw a reflection of the pain I had felt earlier. She lived with that pain every day and continued to do her work healing.

With that realization I spoke saying, "Four hours of my day are spent watching students in the cellar to help them learn magic, enchanter Bethany Hawke's class is two hours long with another two hours dedicated to cleaning and grading papers, then two hours is spent preparing the evening meal, that leaves ten hours of my time free. Would you desire any assistance here Healer Allaste?"

"Quite the initiative you have Elsa. Few Tranquil have it, so I would be happy to have any assistance you can give me. I'll provide a list of books you can read in the library on potion preparation and healing. Read those first and then come help when you have time. Other duties and such can come first though."

I nodded, "I understand."

 **930 Dragon, Pluitanis 4** **th**

Enchanter Bethany Hawke was very upset today. This is because her student killed herself and she feels that she could have done more to prevent it. I informed her that Healer Allaste told me that I did everything I could, but she said, "Well your best wasn't good enough."

This is unfortunate, I would like to assist Bethany, but I was not able to do so because my best was not good enough. How can I ensure that my best will be better next time? I do not have an answer for this since Healer Allaste already told me that Initiate Lee Ann Gardenner died instantly. The only way I could have helped would have been to know she was going to commit suicide and stop her.

I will look through the library to see if there are any books on how to prevent suicide.

 **930 Dragon, Pluitanis 6** **th**

I have found no books on the topic of preventing suicide. There are a few books on mental healing; however their content seems to contradict each other.

I will begin research on other Circles and what they do. Perhaps there will be data there that I can use.

 **930 Dragon, Pluitanis 13** **th**

Enchanter Bethany asked me why I seemed so sleepy today. I informed her that I was researching healing practices so that my best would be good enough next time. She pulled me close and hugged me saying, "Oh Elsa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said the other day. Please make sure you get enough sleep okay?"

I informed her that I would no longer allow my research to interrupt my four hour sleep cycle.

 **930 Dragon, Pluitanis 15** **th**

Today was Fialla Falavahn's birthday. The young girl became 13 today and she very much enjoyed the gifts and baked goods. When she left class she took me aside and said, "Next year can we have games?"

I agreed to the request and Enchanter Bethany Hawke told me that my agreement to the request was acceptable.

 **930 Dragon, Nubulis 3** **rd**

At this point I am going over my own notes about the Kirkwall circle. Mages in the circle starting at age 6 and all the way up to age 20 like Bethany did. When a mage first joins the circle they are tested for knowledge of magic and then put into classes of 8 – 14 depending on number of available enchanters and ages of the initiates although the youngest initiates are usually not taught any magic at all.

Youngest students between 6 and 11 usually have a pair of Enchanters who are responsible for their care and behavior. When a student turns eleven they are placed in their own rooms and are responsible for their own behavior. These older students are encouraged to cease contact with the pair until they have passed their harrowing and the pair is encouraged to 'cut the ties' so as to 'soften the blow' in later years.

Again this is because half of mages will either become Tranquil or die in their Harrowing. It is felt, at least in the Kirkwall circle, that it is better to avoid the pain that this will cause. Books I have read suggest that other circles are run differently depending on the Knight Commander of the Templars and the First Enchanter. In the case of Kirkwall it is clear that our First Enchanter has little power compared to the Knight Commander and thus her rules and orders are in place.

With that in mind the Kirkwall Circle currently has eight classes of students. Four of these classes are for children between 6 and 11 with four pairs of enchanters overseeing them. There are four other class groups after that with 4 enchanters teaching applied magic, such as Enchanter Bethany teaches, which is required for obvious reasons. Then there is an enchanter for Math, Reading Composition, History, Languages (Rivani and Orlesean), religion, art, and music.

A breakdown of the Kirkwall Chantry looks something like this

First Enchanter – Orsino

Enchanters – 28

Healers – 1 (Allaste)

Mages in Residence – 50 (With 5 Tranquil care takers)

Initiates – 79

Tranquil – 20

All Mages in residence are required to perform some service for the Circle. Usually this involves crafting goods that the circle can trade with the outside world with some being responsible for the Tranquil who cannot care for themselves.

 **930 Dragon, Nubulis 5** **th**

There is very little information on hand here at the Kirkwall Circle about other Circles. I have started sending letters in the hopes that I can gain this information. Unfortunately it seems as if this course of study will be delayed by many months due to the vagaries of the post.

This is what I currently know:

 **Nation Location Chantry Details**

Anderfels Hossberg Andrastian None

Antiva Unknown Andrastian None

Ferelden Jainen Andrastian None

Ferelden Lake Calenhad Andrastian None

Free Marches Ansburg Andrastian None

Free Marches Hasmal Andrastian None

Free Marches Kirkwall Andrastian See Diary Entry – 930 Dragon, Nubulis 3rd

Free Marches Markham Andrastian None

Free Marches Ostwick Andrastian None

Free Marches Starkhaven Andrastian None

Nevarra Cumberland Andrastian The largest and most powerful Circle under the

Andrastian Chantry. Seat of power for the Grand Enchanter.

Nevarra Perendale Andrastian None

Orlais Montsimmard Andrastian None

Orlais Val Royeaux Andrastian None

Rivain Dairsmuid Andrastian None

Tevinter Carastes Imperial* None

Tevinter Minrathous Imperial* The oldest Circle in Thedas. Seat of power for the magisters, the Imperial Senators, and the Imperial Archon.

Tevinter Vyrantium Imperial* None

*Personal Note: I wrote Imperial here because although the Tevinter Empire is said to worship Andraste they have their own Divine who is male and a mage. This generally seems to be somewhat in defiance of the Andrastian teachings.

 **930 Dragon, Nubulis 7** **th**

Bertha Thompson is 14 today the female human enjoyed the baked goods and small presents.

 **930 Dragon, Nubulis 10** **th**

Three mages went missing last eve. The Templars have been searching for them, but no sign seems to be available. There are some whispers of a Mages Underground, but I have seen little evidence of its existence.

 **930 Dragon, Nubulis 17** **th**

Enchanter Bethany Hawke found me in the Healing Center this evening. I was brewing some potions while Healer Allaste rested on a bed. "So this is where you've been hiding."

"I am in plain sight I doubt that could be conceived of as hiding."

She laughed, "After your evening meal I would visit with you remember? But for a while now you've been heading out here and you didn't tell me."

"I was not aware that I needed to inform you."

She shook her head, "You aren't very fun to tease you know?"

"I suppose I do now. Though I am unsure what to do with the information."

"Well what are you doing here anyway?"

"Brewing some healing potions and I am here to serve as first response. I will notify Healer Allaste if a critical case arrives while she is resting."

"You really do keep busy don't you?"

I nodded, "Yes, I prefer to be busy."

The rest of the conversation lapsed into discussions about healing and magic. Enchanter Bethany Hawke also said she would visit more often now that she knew where I was.

 **930 Dragon, Eluviesta 3** **rd**

I was not required at Evening meal today so I arrived at the Healing Center somewhat early. I heard Enchanter Bethany Hawke Speaking with Healer Allaste. Their voices were a bit raised and the first words that came through were those of Healer Allaste, " . . . so often. She's Tranquil you know that right? Nothing can come of it or nothing should!"

"She's different from the others though."

"Yes, she has some initiative and a keen intellect, but she'll follow any orders given to her. She might as well be with a Mabari. I've seen others just as smart and just as full of initiative and one of them jumped off the tower because an Initiate ordered it. Don't you get it? There can't be consent in such a relationship!"

I moved to be seen and the two women ceased arguing. Healer Allaste spoke to me saying, "Oh Elsa, nice to see you early this evening. Why don't you go to the basement and count the rats."

"If you like I can do that. There is nothing else that requires my attention until I must get my four hours of rest" I said and walked off to perform the task. The last words I heard from the pair were Healer Allaste' s, "See!"

 **930 Dragon, Eluviesta 6** **th**

Candith Reynolds became 13 today the young human with silvery blonde hair, similar to my own, enjoyed the baked goods and her presents. So far it seems that only Jarred Jamisson was disinclined towards these things.

I also learned that many people do not celebrate these birthdays as Candith herself was saying she'd never had one and that this day in particular was chosen by the Circle when she was taken in as her parents never had a calendar.

 **930 Dragon, Eluviesta 12** **th**

Another mage has gone missing last evening. This brings the total of mages in residence down to 47 with another 28 Enchanters and 1 First Enchanter.

I have attempted speaking to Enchanter Bethany Hawke and Healer Allaste about the Mages Underground, but neither knows anything about it. I have spoken to some other mages, but none seem to know anything about it. Still, four mages have left and they must have had some help to do so.

 **930 Dragon, Eluviesta 18** **th**

I see Enchanter Bethany Hawke in her classes, but she has not returned to see me in the Healing Center as she had been. It seems likely that her discussion with Healer Allaste had some effect on her visitation.

 **930 Dragon, Eluviesta 21** **st**

Peter Soren became 13 today. He also seemed to enjoy the baked goods and presents.


	3. Chapter 3

**930 Dragon, Molioris 7** **th**

I received some information today from Val Royeaux. The circle there is also known as the White Spire and Knight-Commander Eron is the head of the Templar order at the White Spire. The White Spire also houses the Knight-Vigilant, the leader of the Templar Order, who commands the Templars from within. The White Spire magi are divided into various mage fraternities and have room for 500 mages. The number currently in residence was not provided although it was noted that many mages actually live in the city of Val Royeaux.

The rate of mages who survive their Harrowing seems to be seventy percent there. There was little information on number of suicides although I did find out that many of the rules imposed here in Kirkwall are apparently not in existence there.

 **930 Dragon, Molioris 14** **th**

We gained three initiates today. Jean Louise a female human of 16 with brown hair and brown eyes, Cyndith Mahariel a male Dalish elf of 8 with brown hair and brown eyes, and Lucy Interswin a female city elf of 13 with brown hair and brown eyes. Lucy has been placed in Enchanter Bethany Hawke's magic studies classes.

 **930 Dragon, Molioris 30** **th**

Andre Smith became 14 today, but he had previously requested no celebration so we did not have one. I did notice a few other children giving him some presents and I handed him some candy after class was done. He seemed to enjoy the understated affair.

 **930 Dragon, Ferventis 8** **th**

Enchanter Telris Hebridge, a male human of fifty with silver hair and brown eyes has been imprisoned and is waiting for a trial for teaching blood magic. The initiates who were learning from him have not been named although all will be given extra guards and watched for any signs that they are Maleficar.

 **930 Dragon, Ferventis 11** **th**

Enchanter Telris Hebridge has been deemed guilty of teaching Blood Magic and declared Maleficar. His body was burned at the stake in the Gallows Courtyard. All residents of the Circle above the age of 14 were required to attend.

As his screams pierced the air I felt the power within me welling up along with a bitter sadness. I pushed it away and turned my head. I wondered why he would teach such a discipline and risk this.

 **930 Dragon, Ferventis 12** **th**

I spoke with Enchanter Bethany Hawke after class today as we were grading papers. "Why did Enchanter Telris Hebridge teach blood magic?"

"I'm not sure he did the trial was very short and the evidence seemed pretty thin to me." Her voice was filled with anger.

"So you think he was innocent?" I queried.

"Not sure of that either. I wish I did know I wish he'd have turned into an abomination and attacked then I'd feel better about his fate. As it was, well it seemed like they were just tormenting someone."

I sat silently taking that in and then we went to other topics.

 **930 Dragon, Ferventis 16** **th**

Six initiates and two mages went missing in the night. A boat was seen sailing away from the docks and the suspicion is that they were on it. No information as to the name of the ship or its destination has been found.

Templar numbers in the circle have been increased and a curfew has been established. Anyone out after curfew will be punished. This means I will be spending more evenings at the healing center and sleeping there. Healer Allaste has requested a change in residence for me and two sets of personal clothes.

Today was also Daren Marchant's birthday, the young Dalish elf became 14 today. He alo requested an understated affair and we obliged.

 **930 Dragon, Solis 8** **th**

I received some information on the Circle Tower on Lake Calenhad in Ferelden. The Circle Tower, officially named Kinloch Hold, is Ferelden' s regional headquarters for the Circle of Magi. It accessed only by its docks. As per Chantry and local law, human and city elf citizens of Ferelden with magical potential are brought here to be imprisoned for most of their lives and instructed in the legally-approved Schools of Magic, and trained to resist demons.

A small trading hamlet has developed on the shore to facilitate trade and to maintain a ferry to the tower, which was originally reached by a massive bridge (now in ruins). Visitors are few and far between, however, as most come either to learn magic or to watch over those who do.

The Hero of Ferelden came to the Tower seeking aid against the Fifth Blight. There she discovered that the Circle was overrun by demons and abominations. The Hero of Ferelden saved the mages and the mages joined the Grey Wardens in the fight against the Blight. After the Hero of Ferelden perished defeating the archdemon. The King of Ferelden, Alistair Theirin, made royal decrees granting the Circle Mages more freedoms.

There was not any information on numbers of mages, suicide rates or number of mages who survive their Harrowing. I will write another letter requesting this information.

 **930 Dragon, Solis 15** **th**

I have been given a written missive:

 _To All Tranquil Mages,_

 _It is your duty to inform the Templars of any activity regarding the Mages Underground and any Mages who are attempting to escape the Circle._

 _Signed,_

 _Knight Commander Meredith_

I now know that the rumors of a group of mages who have been leaving the circle are true. I am also very confused since this evening First Enchanter Orsino has come to me personally and asked that I ignore the order from The Knight Commander.

He leaves and I am in turmoil. I have two very different orders. I simply wish to serve and yet how is that possible when I have such a conflict. I went to Enchanter Bethany Hawke and asked her what I should do. She said, "Follow the First Enchanter, he cares for the mages not Knight Commander Meredith."

Is that what I should do? Follow the orders from the person who cares the most? How do I reconcile that with the simple fact that my cares were washed away with the change? Is that why I must follow orders? If so does that mean if I do care I can ignore orders?

This is far too complex. I will read more about healing and simply follow First Enchanter Orsino's orders. His orders were verbal and I have never before been given written orders. I will discuss this issue with some of the other Tranquil and see what they suggest.

 **930 Dragon, Solis 16** **th**

I spent time speaking with other Tranquil about the letter yesterday. Out of 19 other Tranquil only 8 understood my problem. Four others would simply follow whichever order was most recent and the other seven were unable to read at all. These seven were the ones who require constant supervision and can hardly even talk in coherent sentences.

The nine of us who understood the paradox discussed it in some detail with my suggestion of ignoring written orders being deemed useful, but not satisfactory. What happens if two different mages give us two different verbal orders?

We finally came to a decision rating First Enchanter Orsino and any mages above him as first priority since we were also mages. After that came Knight Commander Meredith Stannard and any Templars. After that came mages. We determined that we need not follow an initiate's orders unless we had time and an inclination. It was perhaps not the best system since we all were very keen on following orders, but we would do the best we could and only use the system when orders were in conflict.

 **930 Dragon, Solis 18** **th**

Amberlee Hanaras became 13 today. The female city elf enjoyed a celebration with baked goods and presents. I received a hug from her and remembered to return it.


	4. Chapter 4

**930 Dragon, Umbralis 16** **th**

* **Personal Note:** The events of this day could be traumatic for those who have feelings. If violent attack of a sexual nature disturbs you please skip down to the place where you see another '*' like this one.

We were done with class and Enchanter Bethany had to do some things elsewhere. I was cleaning up the Classroom when a Templar came in. I noted that it was Ser Atticus a bald human male with brown eyes. He came up to me and pushed me down onto my knees and I feel the scrape of the cold stone. I see that he is opening his breech clout. "Here tranquil put your lips around this."

"After this I was going to assist in the kitchen. Tranquil Davis is unwell today and I have twenty minutes before his shift to assist with food preparations."

He laughs, "More than enough time if you're quick about it."

I do not like this, the pain of the floor and the taste of him in my mouth. His member is down my throat and I am choking. I can't catch a breath at all as he thrusts into my throat again and again. The pain is too much to bear and I feel the magic coming. It wells up from deep inside, but I can't say the words that help. I try to think them mentally, _"Conceal, don't feel."_

The thought can't overpower the pain ad he yanks my hair and shoves himself into my throat. The power wells up as my vision goes hazy. I'm not sure if I see snow gathering in the room or if it is just spots in front of my eyes. Fear strikes me now and the power is unleashed in a wild torrent. Ice crackles from my lips to the fleshy member inside my mouth. Ser Atticus screams and I taste blood then everything goes black.

When wake again my mouth is full of cotton, or no something else it tastes metallic and I spit it out. My eyes open and I see that it must be what is left of Ser Atticus' member. Seeing it like that makes me vomit out the contents of my stomach. As I do I feel my power right at the surface spilling out at the same time. I pull it back in, yanking it back down and setting aside my own revulsion to do so.

The power subsides along with my feelings and I am able to take a moment to see the room. Ser Atticus is on the floor hands pressing to his front trying to cease the bleeding. I move close to him with the intention to heal and he looks at me with terror in his eyes. "Tranquil. You're tranquil, you can't cast magic. You can't!"

Even as he screams I am helping him bandaging and administering a potion from my side belt. As I work to staunch the bleeding my eyes go to the entrance of the classroom. Standing in the doorway with wide eyes is Fialla Falavahn, the blonde elven initiate without vallaslin. She is unharmed and needs no medical attention so my priority is the Templar.

As I finally get the bleeding staunched Fialla moves closer. Some portion of my mind tells me that a twelve year old girl should not have to see this so I speak, "Please run and get Healer Allaste. She will be able to assist and I should not move him."

Fialla runs from the room and I administer a potion that will knock Ser Atticus unconscious. When Healer Allaste arrives she uses magic to levitate the Templar and another Tranquil assists her.

Soon after that Ser Thrask, a different Templar comes in with them and takes my arm saying, "Please come with me."

"After this I was going to assist in the kitchen. Tranquil Davis is unwell today and his shift started some time ago. Unfortunately this accident occurred, but I am sure I could come late and still assist with food preparations."

He shakes his head and says, "This is a bit more important. I'll have someone cover for you so please come with me."

I don't really have a choice as his hand is on my shoulder and he is pulling me along. It is not uncomfortable merely annoying that I cannot do as my orders have instructed. The conflict is not great but, after what has just happened, I can feel the magic beginning to rise along with the conflict. I whisper the words, "Conceal, don't feel."

The magic is controlled and I am brought to a room and sat down with Ser Thrask. He looks at me and says, "So what happened there?"

No one has ordered me not to lie. I look at him and say, "Ser Atticus pushed me to the floor. He opened his breech clout and asked me to place my mouth on him. I complied with this request."

 ***Personal Note:** For those reading my diary you may continue here and be less disturbed emotionally.

Ser Thrask looks at me, "Did you bite him on purpose?"

I shake my head, "No Ser Thrask. I was happy to be of service."

He seems sad and shakes his head, "You shouldn't be not for that. Still guess it will serve as a warning to others. Accidents happen I guess. Are you feeling alright?"

I nod, "I am functioning well and can be of service again. Should I go assist with meal preparation now?"

"Yeah, yeah I'll write up the report. You go do whatever you're supposed to be doing."

I leave and go to assist with the end of meal preparations which means I am cleaning up the mess. When I arrive at the Healing Center I am sat down by Healer Allaste. She examines me carefully and shakes her head, "I've never seen a Tranquil bite someone on purpose before."

"I did not bite him on purpose Healer Allaste."

"Mhmm and so it was an accident then? I guess that's what they'll put it down as. It is certainly not possible for a Tranquil to become violent hmm?" She looks into my eyes with curiosity.

"I was disturbed. It hurt and I passed out . . ." The feeling of fear and pain from the past rushes briefly into me, but I turn it aside. Then I push the power down and set it aside as well. Healer Allaste shivers, "I guess I'm even feeling that. It gave me the chills just hearing you child. You are well?"

"Yes, but I believe I will refuse if it ever occurs again. I will say I have been ordered by a higher authority not to do as they ask."

She nods to me, "Good plan I think although many Tranquil will do exactly as ordered. It does seem strange that you are even somewhat able to decide not to follow an order."

"There are nine of us who can do so."

"Really? That's fascinating, suggests that something of the person you were survives. Best not to advertise it too much though I think. Any suggestion of free will might just mean a potential cure and that would be Heresy of the worst sort. So, let's switch topics shall we?"

I nod and we begin discussing some of the cases currently in the Healing Center instead. When I am done I go to my room and read more from the books on healing. It seems unfortunate that I cannot perform magic as the books clearly indicate that magic is better than most remedies.

There is a knock on my door. I walk over and open it saying, "How may I assist you?"

Fialla stands at my door. She looks at me saying, "Can we talk?"

"Yes, if you wish. Please come in."

My room is near the Healing Center. It was previously a storage closet and thus barely has enough room for a bed and a lamp. I wash and clean in the Healing Center's bathing area. Fialla looks around the tiny space and then sits on my bed. "I've always known that you're different from the other tranquil."

I look at her and say, "I am blonde, blue eyed, and human. I am five foot and nine inches. There are no other tranquil here that match my exact description."

The young elven initiate shakes her head. "No, I mean different. Like really different. It's like a puppet show I saw in the city once."

"I do not understand." I really don't.

She sits next to me on my bed and takes my hand. "You feel or at least somewhat. You help Bethany with class you've helped me many times, you help the other students and you seem to understand how magic works Elsa. You care about us I've seen you linger to help a student or take an extra moment to return a lost item. Most Tranquil would dump the item or just go when the time comes."

"I am happy to be of assistance."

He shakes his head at me, "No, you trying too hard. It's like I dunno like you're someone who's pretending to be tranquil. Mostly you succeed, but every now and again you mess it up especially today."

I look at her, "I am not sure I understand."

She tilts her head and speaks, "Come on! I saw you. I saw the ice and snow. You did cold magic like a powerful mage might do. You worked magic."

"Tranquil cannot do magic."

She shakes her head, "Well that's clearly not true because you can and by that I mean you are able to. I think you are using cannot there to mean the same thing as don't have permission to. But, you see that's the thing it's not about permission it's about ability. You have the ability you just don't have permission."

The young black haired elf gave me a strange smirk as she finished. "I am unsure how I should respond was that a question or request?"

She shakes her head and says, "You're doing it now. The thing where you pretend, but I know better. You aren't really Tranquil not like the others. Why are you pretending?"

"I do not dream."

"You don't?" She looks at me curiously and then her eyes light up, "Oh you don't dream, so you don't visit the fade. That doesn't mean you are fully separate."

"I never feel when a student is using magic."

She frowns, "Still doesn't mean you can't touch the fade."

I sigh softly and begin saying things that I have not even written into my diary yet. Things I have researched, but have yet to put down. Perhaps it is because all of it is half formed and there is little theory to go with it. "Magic as you use it touches the fade, you pull power from there and shape it. You know this just as well as I do. Any power I may or may not possess does not come from the fade. It would be deep inside and it is pushed away along with any feelings I possess."

"It's inside you. . ." She thinks about that for a few moments. Then she shakes her head, "How? You froze him and pulled snow into the room. How could that be inside you without touching the fade?"

She holds up a hand, "Wait we have mana all of us."

"Yes, it is what allows you to shape the power of the fade. Without mana the power is formless and can harm you."

She sighs, "Yeah, mana exhaustion Lyrium replenishes it, but you can still get mana burn. But, could we power a spell with just our mana and then use that mana to shape it?"

I am unsure so I say so. She nods and then begins focusing her mana. She stops then tries again, then stops and so on for about ten minutes. "Anytime I gather mana I touch the fade. You're cut off from it though so that's the difference."

"Yes, that could be possible." Is what I say and yet at the same time I feel that the power inside me is beyond the amount of mana most mages have. A vision from my past shows an entire city locked in snow and giant fjords frozen solid. I did that sometime in the past using this power. If that is the case then there is no mage in this world as powerful as I am. If I wasn't sure before I am now, I am a stranger to this world.

As that revelation comes forward I say, "You must not tell anyone Initiate Fialla Falavahn."

She rubs my shoulder and says, "Only if you promise to just call me Fialla."

I nod, "As you wish."

She hugs me, "It can be our secret."

 **930 Dragon, Umbralis 17** **th**

Fialla comes to my room and sits on my bed again. I sit next to her and she says, "My mom was blonde too. My dad had black hair we lived in the Alienage. I remember playing hide and seek with the other kids. Then one day Biathan took a wrong turn and knocked into a human. That guy started to just beat on him . . ."

Fialla's face is pressed into my shoulder and I feel wetness. She must be crying and some part of me feels warm. I put my arm around her and gently squeeze. It seems the appropriate reaction since she smiles up at me through her tears, "I cast my first spell that day, just a wild bit of magic, but it stopped that shem er I mean human. Later that day the Templars came to my house and took me here."

The room is very quiet and I just rub her back gently with my hand. It feels like the right thing to do. She holds me tight and says, "Thanks for bringing me food and water all those nights. It was really nice."

Time passes and she falls asleep. I pick her up and carry her to her room. It really isn't much bigger than my own, but it has pictures and a small seat and a dresser. Once she is in bed I walk back to my room and lay down.

 **930 Dragon, Umbralis 20** **th**

Fialla is in my room again this evening. She is putting up a picture she drew of some snow falling. She seems to be simply chattering away about her day and the other initiates. I have nothing really to add.

She sits on my bed and I sit next to her. My arm goes around her protectively and she smiles up at me. I can almost remember something and then it fades away.

 **930 Dragon, Umbralis 21** **st**

Bethany came to my room this evening and saw me reading a book to Fialla. She sat in one of the chairs nearby and listened as well. When I finished the story she helped me take the young girl to her room.

"You'd make a wonderful mother Elsa."

I look at her and she smiles, "All of the children in the class love you. Fialla especially, but they all see you as a maternal figure."

"Wouldn't they also see you the same Bethany?"

She nods, "Indeed I suppose so these children they come here and all they have is us. We are their family now I suppose. We're not supposed to get close though. I was told not to at least by order of the Knight Commander even."

"I was never given this instruction."

She nods to me saying, "I suppose that's because Tranquil don't have feelings according to them. We're told that half of our students will die or be turned Tranquil. We shouldn't get attached because of that. I suppose I shouldn't come when Fialla or another student is with you or else I might be disciplined."

I nodded, "I understand, I will be there for them then since you cannot . . . what of the others though?"

"The other children? Well I have ten in my magic class and they go to other subjects as well. I think there are another seven classes worth of students with ten children in each. That's 80 can you really be there for them all Elsa?"

"No, but someone should be. I will speak with the other Tranquil . . ."

"No!" she interrupted me, "Not all of them, find the ones more like you. You know what I mean right? Find the ones who can think on their own."

I nod slowly and begin a new task.

 **930 Dragon, Umbralis 22** **nd**

I have arranged for seven other Tranquil to assist the classes and Enchanters teaching them.

Fialla continues to visit me in my room. Some nights I allow the young girl to stay this is because otherwise she would be out after curfew.

 **930 Dragon, Cassus 2** **nd**

Another mage has escaped the circle. Rumors suggest he was headed into the mountains near the city.

 **930 Dragon, Cassus 7** **th**

The mage who escaped on the 2nd was Cydwyn Fareil he was a 25 year old male Dalish Elf. He was returned to the city by the Dalish elves that live near Kirkwall. The tribe apparently already had a keeper. Cydwyn attempted escape again when he was taken by the Templars and died in so doing. This is all according to what we have been told.

Some mages have also been saying that Cydwyn did not attempt to escape when he was recovered. They are saying he was murdered. First Enchanter Orsino did request an inquest into the matter, but his request was denied by Knight Commander Meredith Stannard.

 **930 Dragon, Cassus 12** **th**

Niam M'thenn became 15 today. Normally she would have headed to a class for the next age group, but she asked to continue with this class group. The request was granted. I believe she may have been teasing when she said she stayed for my baked goods.


	5. Chapter 5

**931 Dragon, Verimensis 1** **st**

Two mages have escaped. No information is known as to their whereabouts or how they may have escaped. Even more Templar have been sent to watch over the mages. Already today there have been a number of complaints about inappropriate behavior and one incident of violence upon a mage.

First Enchanter Orsino has sent a request to Knight Commander Meredith Stannard requesting that the Templar numbers be decreased in light of these complaints.

 **931 Dragon, Verimensis 15** **th**

Amberlee Hanaras started her bleeding today and came to me. She had the biology lesson, but no practical knowledge on how to use the rags and sphagnum moss. I educated her on their use and where we disposed of the items so that the rags could be cleaned.

Andre Smith and Daren Marchant got into a large fight and needed to be placed in their rooms for a day. I spent some time working with the two to attempt a resolution. It took a few days before they were fully settled though.

Jared Jamisson was yet again put in his room, this time for four days, for yet another 'prank' on a Templar. I worry about the boy, but he will not speak to me or anyone else. Whatever his issues are he keeps them to himself.

Niam M'thenn, Candith Reynolds, Amberlee Hanaras, Bertha Thomson, Fialla Falavahn, and Niam M'thenn started a drama group and intend to do a play re-enacting the tale of Andraste. They have been working with Enchanter Rhym Cartenn, the Religious studies teacher and a male human of 50 whom is gray haired and brown eyed.

Peter Soren and Candith Reynolds have been spending a good deal of time in each other's rooms. I have reminded them that such fraternization is frowned on. They pointed out that Niam M'thenn and Bertha Thompson were also in the same situation. I ended up bringing all four together and speaking to them about human sexuality and dating. I also re-affirmed the point that the circle frowns on such things. Even so I felt it was important that they know how to be safe.

Mikel Morrinson has been asking about Blacksmith training. We do not have anyone in the circle who knows about this topic, but I did help provide him with books and offered to oversee any projects and ensure that he was being safe.

 **931 Dragon, Pluitanis 1** **st**

Mikkel Morrinson became 14 today. He seemed just as happy to have baked goods and presents as he was last year.

 **931 Dragon, Pluitanis 15** **th**

I continue keeping track of the students under my care and their birthdays. Although I will admit that today was a bit more special to me since today was Fialla's birthday. She had requested that we play some games for her birthday and it was agreed. The entire class enjoyed many various games together. This was a first, but I believe we may do it again because other students began requesting games for their birthdays. We could not deny the requests and it was . . fun.

I'm not sure if I should have fun though. Emotions connect me to my power and that could be very dangerous. Still it seems harmless to aid a young girl who requires my assistance. If she wants to come see me and have fun I should assist her. If I have fun too I think that should be okay as long as I remember to put the emotions away as soon as it is over.

 **931 Dragon, Nubulis 7** **th**

Bertha Thomson celebrated her birthday today. We played games and had an enjoyable time until the Templar came into the room. It was Ser Thrask, Ser Errald, and Dame Julina. The three entered and hit everyone in the room with a smite.

A smite reduces your mana often by half or more meaning a mage cannot touch the fade until they regain their mana. Mages use mana to touch the fade and shape the power in the real world. When they get too low on mana they can exhaust themselves or in some cases they can risk mana burn which is a physical pain that comes from touching the fade without mana.

The Templar used this power on our classroom. Ser Thrask, who now had everyone's attention, spoke loudly, "Initiates are in class to learn, you are not here to play games or have parties. Enchanter Bethany Hawke this is your only warning. If such a thing occurs in your class again you will be punished."

He marched off with the other two Templar in tow. Never once had he looked at me or even taken recognition of my presence. I wondered if he remembered me at all and thought that perhaps he did not. Tranquil were of little or no importance to him even one who had 'accidentally' harmed a Templar.

 **931 Dragon, Nubulis 10** **th**

We received a vast influx of Mages, Enchanters, Tranquil, and Templars today. Apparently the Starkhaven Circle burned to the ground. The cause is said to have been a Rage Demon and, of course, the fact that the Circle buildings were made from wood.

Both Captain Rylen (formerly Knight-Captain of Starkhaven) and Knight Captain Cullen Rutherford have joined our circle. This changes the data I previously had updating the numbers by quite a bit.

First Enchanter – Orsino

Enchanters – 56 (With 9 Tranquil Teaching Assistants)

Healers – 2 (Allaste, Nymeria Derisita) (Plus one Tranquil Assistant)

Mages in Residence – 86 (With 12 Tranquil care takers)

Initiates – 144

Tranquil – 40

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 6** **th**

There was a literal battle at the docks today. Twenty of the images from Starkhaven battled with the Templars at the docks. The Mages had just boarded a ship and the Templars were attempting to stop them. 12 Mages perished and 8 Templars. Four mages and four Templars were sent to the Healing Center.

The Rest of the Mages were able to escape on the ship although they did have to commandeer it. They will be accused with high piracy if they are found along with a number of other charges. A vessel has been sent to attempt to take them at sea.

I spent most of the day assisting in the Healing Center with Healer Allaste and Nymeria. Healer Nymeria is an elven woman with silver hair and green eyes. She has requested I not use her last name and both healers have requested that when it is just the three or less of us I should drop the honorific titles.

I agreed to do so even as I was working on stitching up an artery on Dame Astoria. It was she who provided details on what occurred at the docks. She did not seem to understand why it had occurred though.

There was no celebration in class for Candith Reynolds 14th birthday, however I did bring some baked goods and presents to her room an hour before curfew. The Silver haired young girl smiled happily and had me sit and eat with her. "You know all the others in class say if they could choose what type of Tranquil to be then they would be like you?"

"I did not know this."

She shook her head, "It's true, but then we've seen others who need care for everything. There's a lot of Tranquil here and very few like you."

"I am not sure how to respond." She hugs me and whispers in my ear, "We all are bound to keep you secret." I hugged her back and then stepped away.

"I must return to my rooms before curfew." She nodded and waved then bit into another sweet treat and said, "Mmmmm"

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 12** **th**

Fialla was very agitated this evening. More so than usual I feel and not just because of what she says is, "Unfair treatment of the mages" No, tonight she was upset about the Qunari.

Apparently these Qunari have been living in the city for some time and there has been a great deal of tension between them and the city. Fialla worries that these creatures will attack the city. She said, "Mom and dad and my little brother live in the Alienage still. The guards won't protect them, they'll be too busy protecting high town."

"I do not know what to say to this."

She laughed, "How many times do I have to tell you to stop pretending? Come on Elsa this is important. What should we do if the Qunari attack the city."

"Maybe the mages could help fight these creatures."

She nodded and then poked my ribs, "What about you Elsa? I know one of the secret ways out. Could you protect my family?"

I shook my head, "Tranquil cannot use magic."

Fialla sighed and spoke more, "You aren't tranquil though and we both know it. That snow you make is just the beginning of what you can do and I know it. I saw what you did that day. I know you have more power why can't you use it?"

"Tranquil," she cut me off "Cannot use magic, yes I heard you the first time, but you Can! You are able to you just won't or don't want to for some reason. What happened Elsa why would you pretend to be Tranquil is it really better than feeling and dreaming?"

Something in the back of my memory comes forward a moment of true power, a brilliant castle made of ice and then an entire Kingdom covered in it. There are dying plants a bitter cold that could kill and a final swing of a sword. My voice creaks through my mouth, "I killed her, and I froze her heart. She's dead because of me . . ."

The magic wells up powerful inside me begging to pull moisture from the air and make snow, begging to be used, but I shut it down. I shut it down even as a tear slides down my cheek and Fialla is hugging me close. "Oh Elsa I'm so sorry. So sorry it will be okay. You don' have to help I'll figure something out."

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 13** **th**

Enchanter Bethany Hawke stopped me after my dinner preparations today. "What did you say to Fialla Elsa?"

I reply honestly, "I have not spoken to her since the first of Eluviesta Enchanter Bethany Hawke."

She shakes my arm, "So what did you say when you saw her last?"

A difficult question I am happy to be of assistance, but I do not want Fialla to be in trouble. "I told her about my past the time before the change."

"Well she's run away. I don't know how with the increased security around here, but somehow she's managed it and not through the Mages Underground that's for sure."

I did not enquire as to how Enchanter Bethany Hawke was acquainted with the Mages Underground. Instead I said, "What will they do?"

She stares at me, "Find her of course and bring her back. At her age she's not old enough to be branded apostate."

I nod slowly, "In the Val Royeaux circle mages are allowed to live in the city and work there as well. Can you get a permission to help search?"

"No, that's Val Royeaux, here in Kirkwall it's somewhat harder."

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 14** **th**

It was early morning and I was wondering why the Templar had been unable to find Fialla. I think she is at her parents' house why wouldn't they look there? Do they even know she lived in the Alienage? Interrupting that train of thought Enchanter Bethany Hawke came to my room. The first words she spoke were, "You're different."

"I don't understand Enchanter Bethany Hawke." My words are emotionless.

"Fialla wrote me a letter I didn't read it until today. She said she shared a secret with you and wanted me to know. That I was someone who might understand."

I am silent and she puts her hand on my shoulder, "Damn it Elsa talk to me."

"What would you like me to say Enchanter Bethany Hawke?"

"First I want you to tell me about you and your magic? Then I want you to explain how the hell you can be Tranquil and cast magic?"

I look at her and say, "Tranquil cannot cast magic."

She shouts and shakes me, "That's exactly the same as she wrote to me. You mean may not though don't you? It's not that you aren't able, but that you aren't allowed isn't it?"

I start to say the same thing, but she cuts me off. "No, don't bother. It's exactly like Fialla said. Here's a better question though. Did you hurt Ser Atticus with magic?"

I look at her and know that I have been caught out, but I try my best to work through it. "Ser Thrask says that it was an accident."

"Did you bite him or was it magic?"

"A tranquil cannot use magic." She screams as I finish, "Oh come on! No wait . . you're lying. It might be by omission, but you are still lying and you know what else Tranquil aren't supposed to be able to do Elsa? They aren't supposed to be able to lie."

I look at her and speak carefully saying, "No one has informed me that I can't lie. Do you wish to make that an official order Enchanter Bethany Hawke?"

She shakes her head, "Hell no. Lie your damn ass off but you and I both know you aren't really tranquil and you are coming with me to help Fialla and we're going right now!"

I shake my head, "Enchanter Bethany it is very late at night and Tranquil may not leave the circle without permission."

"Call me Bethany damn it and look at your room. Look at it. Someone gave you these pictures. Someone sat in here and was comforted when they cried. Damn it a little girl is out there Elsa! She could be hurt or lost and the Templar can't find her and you just sit here?

I hear her words and emotions push at me, but I push them away. I set them aside and push the magic away whispering, "Conceal, don't feel."

Logic free of emotions is my salvation along with rules and order. "I require permission to leave the circle."

"You have MY permission Elsa. We'll talk more about the magic later, but for now let's go! Maybe I can find my sister and she can help us."

"Yes, however the Templar and First enchanter have more authority than you do. Should I ignore them?" She growled and said, "Fuck the Templar and the First enchanter."

"I do not desire sexual congress with any of them although I assume your request was not truly as stated."

"We don't have time for this. So get your ass in gear and come on. Stop thinking with that Tranquil brain and find your emotions!"

"What about my healing tasks and evening meal and classes tomorrow? "I complained to Enchanter Bethany Hawke, but she simply dragged me along, "This is more important damn it!"

I gave up resisting her it was easier and some part of me agreed with her. I was just looking for rules or orders that would allow me to do this. There were none though every rule and order suggested that doing this was wrong even if Enchanter Bethany Hawke said I could. Still somehow it seemed like the right thing to do anyway.

Following a map provided to Enchanter Bethany Hawke by Fialla we went through some very small passages. If we were any bigger we may not have fit through them and in a few cases we needed to help each other with some pushing. The very final hole required a great deal of force and when we were through both of us were rubbing at our breasts and Enchanter Bethany Hawke was rubbing her rear. "Well I guess we know why the Mages Underground doesn't know about this."

"Indeed although I might ask how you would know what the Mages Underground may or may not know?"

"Take a guess Elsa."

"You are a part of it?"

"I am and happy to be so. I bet you haven't even heard about the seven mages who committed suicide over the last few months?"

"No, Enchanter Bethany Hawke I have not."

She grabbed my shoulder, "Just Bethany or Enchanter Bethany if you have to. I know you can drop titles if you need to and I'd really like it if you would right now."

I nodded and we continued walking into the city. Bethany brings us up some stairs and to a door. She slams her palm against it again and again.

The door opens and a sleepy dwarf stands wearing half a shirt and trousers. "Sunshine, isn't it a bit early to be banging on people's doors?"

"Have you seen Penelope?"

The dwarf rubbed his eyes and shook his head, "Not since yesterday. Why?"

"I need help."

"Escaping from the Circle already Sunshine? It's barely been a year since they locked you away."

She shakes her head, "No . . they have my Phylactery they would find me. I'm looking for a student. An eleven year old elven girl named Fialla Falavahn. Her family lives in the Alienage and she might have gone there."

His demeanor seemed to suddenly change the blond man with a bared chest went back into his room grabbed some sort of crossbow and stepped out of the room. He looked up to me and held out a hand, "Varrick Tethras."

"Elsa Arendelle." I say taking his hand gently and he nods. "Tranquil hmm. Haven't met many Tranquil you came out with Sunshine here?"

"I objected based on my duties, however she has given me her permission to be out of the circle. I do not know how much I will be able to help."

"We'll see now come with me and I'll show you around the Alienage."

Some amount of walking later the sun was starting to rise and we were in the alienage. I see rundown buildings and a sense of something lost. There is a beautiful tree in the center of it all that almost seems forlorn. I almost want to touch it and apologize and I do not know why.

It takes some gold before we are able to find the dwelling of the Falavahn family or should I say former dwelling? We knocked and the door is opened by a tall elven woman she looks nothing like Fialla and there is a babe in her arms. "What do ye want shem?"

Bethany speaks to the woman, "We're looking for Fialla Falavahn."

"Ha! That's rich shem, looking for the Falavahn family like ye didn't know that they was all killed eight years ago by them Templar." The elven woman's face is filled with rage. Her hand held at her side clenched in a fist. "Get outa here shem, afore I do something I regret."

"Right sorry, my mistake." Bethany steps away from the door and it is slammed behind her. She walks a bit away from the place and stares at it a few moments. "Dead, but she wrote that she was worried about them. Worried that they'd be hurt in a Qunari attack. How could she be worried if they are dead?"

Varrick Tethras takes her hand, "I'm not sure Sunshine, and where else do you think she might have gone?"

Bethany shrugs and stares at the Alienage around us. "I . . . I don't know."

There are sounds in the distance shouts and screams and then there are large horned men in the alienage. They begin to crash though things, but Enchanter Bethany Hawke is casting spells at them while Varrick Tethras is shooting his crossbow.

The two are not even close to enough to stop the tide of horned men. I continue to watch as they begin slaughtering elves and then I see Fialla she's coming from an alley near the house we were just at and she's standing next to Bethany casting spells as well. She's not very powerful, but she's trying to help. The three of them aren't even slowing the horde of creatures and they come closer to us smashing everything in their way.

I realize that if I continue to do nothing more people will die. Yet if I do something people will also die there is no answer at least not until a fighter comes and attacks Enchanter Bethany Hawke and another swings his sword right at Fialla. The moment sits in crystal clarity harkening back to another moment in time. I see steel meet an icy statue and shatter it a death that I could not stop and I scream, "Nooo!"

The power inside explodes from me in a powerful rush slamming into the large swordsman and freezing him in place. The blade is stopped just touching Fialla's neck a wisp of blood trickles onto the steel, but I am not done.

I pull on the power and another large ox man is frozen in place in front of Bethany. She hits his form with her staff and he shatters into small pieces. Varrick Tethras stares a moment, "Didn't know you were an ice mage Sunshine."

Snow begins to fall from the sky and Bethany looks over to me. "It's not me Varrick."

"It can't be the little bird here. She's barely getting any power through that staff she's holding." He's shooting as he speaks and I am calling more power even then and pushing these attackers out of the Alienage sealing every alley and street that might allow them to enter. "Not her Varrick, Elsa."

He looks over to me seeing my hands moving. "She . . . that's . . . " The dwarf who had been keeping a running commentary on the fight is stunned into silence. Snow continues to fall lightly from the sky around us and Enchanter Bethany Hawke is also staring at me. The huge sheets of Ice block all the potential entrances for the Qunari and the Alienage is entirely silent. Fialla speaks softly, "I knew it! I knew I saw you use power in my dream, but not like this. This is well its like wow!"

Bethany recovers after that and says, "You are not Tranquil, but that power . . . it's not the same as mine at all. You aren't pulling from the Fade . . . what are you?"

I look at her as my ice barriers are attacked and a distant memory hits me a crown is being placed on my head and I am holding regalia of a ruler. A queen? I was a queen once, but no longer. "I am Elsa Arendelle, I am a Tranquil from the Kirkwall Mages Circle."

"Snow, there's no way you're Tranquil. I mean just look around us, snow's falling from the sky and giant sheets of ice are protecting the Alienage. Every book ever written says Tranquil Can't do magic and well this, well it's magic on a scale beyond anything I've ever seen. I don't think Blondie, Sunshine, and Daisy could have done this."

"We might together and it would take longer than mere moments." Fialla tugs on Bethany's dress after the Enchanter says that. The young elven girl says, "I was just thinking about the Alienage and my parent's house, but I hear fighting out there. What should we do?"

"Well if Snow here can get us out of the Alienage we can help."

"I will be seen and Tranquil mages cannot perform magic." He nods slowly, "Mhmm and I guess that would be bad for you right Snow? All those Templar and such would be out to kill you quick if they found out that Tranquility didn't work on everyone."

He looks through a bag and nods finding what he is looking for, "Well I'm guessing that a black haired girl won't be noticed as you." He takes out some ink and begins rubbing it into my hair. The silvery blonde color is replaced by the deep indigo of the ink. After that he takes a bandanna and ties it around my forehead. He steps back and shakes his head, "Needs something more or different."

Bethany speaks, "I have a change of clothes with me." She pulls out one of her outfits and I quickly remove my garments and change into it. When I am done Bethany's face is bright red and Varrick Tethras is smiling wide, "Well Snow, you certainly look nice and someone around here noticed more than I did eh Sunshine?"

"Varrick!" Bethany squeals even as Fialla is taking my hand, "Elsa, we should go quickly before even more bad things happen."

Bethany puts a hand on Fialla's shoulder, "You young lady have caused quite a deal of trouble, but we can't just leave you here so best stay close understand?"

"Yes ma'm!"

We leave the Alienage and make a door through one of my protections in an alley, then I reform the ice and strengthen it. Nothing will get through as long as I concentrate on it. The Qunari are pushed aside as the four of us walk through the city.

Bethany, Fialla, and Varrick hardly need to fight at all as I freeze fighters where they stand, I block alleys and streets. The Qunari and the heaviest fighting seems to be headed for the city government buildings.

"Where are we going?"

"The same place they are. I think it is the Viscount's keep." Penelope Hawke points to a building and I nod. Varrick adds, "Yeah Sunshine looks like they are attacking the keep to me too."

We head in that direction and see a small group of people ahead of us. We meet up with them and learn that it is Enchanter Bethany Hawke's sister Penelope Hawke and other associates of hers, I later found out that they were Merrill, Anders, and Fenris. Varrick smiles and says, "I figures you'd be at the middle of this Hawke."

Soon after that we find First Enchanter Orsino lying on the ground and a battle against more Qunari ensues with Templars and Mages joining in with us. The magic comes easily for me and I simply freeze fighters where they stand. I feel a connection to something a light of brilliance and happiness some moment when everything seemed fine. I almost wish I could remember it and yet some part of me cringes away from it perhaps rightly so since it contains the sword and the shattering ice sculpture. . . sister . . . the person I killed?

I shut the memories down as best I can while allowing the power out. Something tells me I never had control like this, but right now I don't care. We are in the middle of saving the city from a Qunari attack.

As the Battle in front of the Viscount's keep finished First Enchanter Orsino was healed by Bethany and rose to his feet just as Knight Commander Meredith Stannard arrived. The two immediately began arguing. Penelope Hawke stepped in and they stopped asking her to lead both mages and Templars into the keep.

Orsino then walked over to Bethany Fialla and me. He looked at me without recognition whispering. "I would leave the city after this apostate. The Templar are not kind to those like you."

He then took Bethany's arm and said, "Bethany, Fialla come with me." The three spoke out of my hearing and Orsino returned without either of them. Logic suggested that he sent them back to the circle for their safety.

As we entered Viscount's Keep we were attacked by a large contingent of Qunari. After fighting through the contingent we finally met up with a very large one whom Penelope Hawke called The Arishok.

Honestly I was not paying much attention to their discussion focusing more on my power and keeping it contained. Whatever discussion they were having was interrupted when a black haired woman came in with a large book. She gave the book to Penelope Hawke who in turn handed it to the Arishok. The Large horned man spoke saying, "Thank you basalitan we will return with it and the thief."

"The book, yes. Isabella, no."

There is more discussion and then a large area is cleared and the two begin to fight one on one while many Qunari, Mages, Templars, and City Guards look on. I watch the battle, but it seems more one sided to me. I think Penelope Hawke will not win unless someone assists her. No one has said that I may not do so. Small bits of ice form under the large Qunari and during his charge he slides then falls. Penelope Hawke takes advantage and kills him.

As the celebration begins I walk towards the Kirkwall Circle. With each step I push the power down push it away and clear my mind. Emotions of joy and love get pushed down sadness and anger as well. All of it pushed into the well where my power comes from. By the time I find my way back into the Circle I am myself again.

Enchanter Bethany Hawke is waiting there. She takes me to the bathing chamber and we wash up. For a brief moment my eyes alight on her body and I feel a gentle yank on the power within. I close my eyes and set it aside washing away the black ink and returning my hair to its natural color.

When we exit the bathing chamber Bethany is saying, "You were amazing so much power and you never ran out of mana. You didn't need a lyrium potion we need to test it and examine it."

I look at her, "Tranquil cannot perform magic."

"I give you permission silly." She laughs and smiles at me.

I do not smile back and she speaks again saying, "You can perform magic though we need to find out how right? We can't just ignore it." She puts a hand on my shoulder and I turn to looks into her eyes. "We can and we will. Circumstances required that an Apostate mage assist you today. I do not believe these circumstances will happen again."

She stared at me her mouth open wide. "You really mean that don't you?"

I nodded slowly, "I am Tranquil any actions that go beyond the normal definition of a Tranquil will highlight me and I already stand out due to my high ability to perform tasks without guidance. Performing any sort of magic beyond an emergency situation puts me at risk and anyone who knows me at risk."

"You're concerned for Fialla and I." she began and I finished "and the students I watch over, yes. Enchanter Bethany even that concern should be noted as beyond what a Tranquil mage is capable of. It is best if I keep it held away as best as I am able."

"But, you had emotions I saw it, you were full of life and joy and so much more. What did you do?"

"I put it away Enchanter Bethany Hawke."

"How? Why?" She looks confused and perhaps a little sad.

"I am Tranquil."

"You don't have to be. I mean you can pretend around others, but Fialla and I will know and you can feel. You could love . . ." She stops herself, but I think I understand.

"You have feelings for me beyond friendship." She nods. "You were hoping I would return them?" She nods again saying, "Yes, I . . . I love you Elsa. I know I shouldn't that I should just let it go, but I can't."

She puts her hands to my shoulders and draws close. Her lips press against mine warm and wet for a moment I almost feel something, but I push it aside. Bethany pushes away and sighs, "I could order you."

"If you wish." She shakes her head, "No, I don't want you like this. I want YOU, the person inside under all that control. I want you to love me back and like this I guess you can't." She rushes away crying and I watch her go without feeling anything except a minor note that she will be late for her next class. This is why being tranquil is much easier. As tranquil we do not have to feel, we do not have to worry about how we should feel.


	6. Chapter 6

**931 Dragon, Eluviesta 15** **th**

I was woken early this morning by Fialla. The dark haired teen was in my room and shaking me, "Cmon get up Elsa. We have to do more magic." For a moment my mind turns back to a different day. I am not much older than Fialla and a younger girl is shaking me and asking me to get up. Asking me to do magic

I turn and look at her, "It should be you who needs to and why have you not been placed in your room for the day for your actions?"

"'Enchanter Bethany covered for me and the whole of the Mages Circle was out fighting Qunari. So I was off the hook and now you need to get up and come practice with me."

I wake and put on new clothes for the day. From there we head down to the training chamber and I sit, "Very well, I assume much of your mana has returned so show me your fire bolt since it is what you have been working on lately."

She laughs, "We aren't here for me we're here for you. I want to see what else you can do."

I shake my head saying, "Tranquil cannot perform magic."

"What! Oh come on! It's just us you can show me. Please?" She's staring at me and I continue to shake my head. "No, there is no need. You may continue your studies and I will watch."

"Fine, " she grumped, "Emergency situations only."

"Indeed and if a certain young elf had not run away perhaps such an emergency would not have come up?"

She stared at me and sighed, "I'm glad you were there though even if you won't do it again. I'm glad you helped me and the other elves and the city too."

"Good, then perhaps you will practice what we came here for. Fire bolt please Initiate Fialla."

She sighed and began her practice. Her form was actually quite good and she even had a fire mine to show as well. After her 15 minutes she was drained though and we were done for the morning going our separate ways. I worked with some of the other initiates as well. All of them were speaking about the black haired Apostate. The conversation I remember most though was with Bertha Thomson she has taken to coloring her brown hair with some pink streaks.

She was practicing some cold based spells on targets as she talked saying, "Now here I'm encasing the target in a sheet of ice, but the Apostate, well they say she froze her targets solid."

I spoke of some potential corrections and she worked them in saying, "Can you imagine, froze them solid. I can barely manage a few of this Winter's Grasp before I'm tired and even masters can only hit you with the Blizzard spell, but from what I heard the Apostate was making the Blizzard spell look like a trifle."

"Less talk and more practice Initiate Bertha." She nodded and got back to work, but when she was done and panting some she spoke to me again.

"The Knight Commander ordered her to be brought in you know, but no one seems to know where she came from or where she went. I bet people helped her leave because she was one of the people who saved the city. A mage, you know, not Penelope Hawke the Champion of Kirkwall."

"Oh I hadn't heard Bethany's sister was being given the honor."

"Yes, she is, but not Bethany and the Apostate without name is being hunted down for her part. I hope they never find her."

She left after that and honestly I hoped they never did find me either.

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 16** **th**

This evening Fialla was in my room again. She was telling me the same information that Bertha had given me about Penelope Hawke the Champion of Kirkwall. Of new import was the fact that unfortunately the Viscount did not survive the attack. That information seemed odd to me because I recalled seeing him alive after the duel between Penelope and the Arishok. Perhaps a Qunari assassin?

I was not sure how he died, but what did come to light was that Knight Commander Meredith Stannard will rule over the city until a new election is held.

 **931 Dragon, Eluviesta 21** **st**

I dropped into Peter Soren's room and gave him a staff and some carved figurines for his 15th birthday. The young man thanked me and hugged me. "You are one of the few nice things here Elsa. I think someday I'll miss you the most."

I look at him and speak softly, "The chances of capture are high and they treat escaped initiates poorly. I would not suggest departing Initiate Peter Soren."

He chuckled, "I'll take your warning to mind Elsa."

 **931 Dragon, Molioris 1** **st**

It seems like the hunt for the Apostate mage who assisted the city has died down. This may be because at least three separate female mages here in the Circle having claimed to be her. Claimed to be me? In any case it has settled down the search and some people even wonder if what they hear happened is actually true. With some of the tales talking about Andraste herself returned to Thedas to smite the wicked I can certainly see why people feel this way.

 **931 Dragon, Molioris 2** **nd**

A mage escape from the circle today. Their whereabouts are unknown.

 **931 Dragon, Molioris 5** **th**

Three more mages escaped today, again the whereabouts are unknown.

 **931 Dragon, Molioris 10** **th**

Still more escapes from the Circle. This time a full ten mages were gone. The Templars seem to have no idea how they are escaping and a full search of the tower was made. However, no one found out how the mages escaped.

 **931 Dragon, Ferventis 2** **nd**

Tranquil Zyalla a Dalish elf of 23 was found to be pregnant today. Upon questioning she said that Ser Herhan had requested her presence every evening. The information was brought to Knight Captain Cullen and he ended up taking Ser Herhan's name from the ranks of Templars and sending him off in dishonor.

Zyalla was given a potion to end her pregnancy despite her own protests that she could care for the child. Thinking about it at length it disturbs me that my body is not thought to belong to me. That as a Tranquil I am little better than a thing. I brought this up to some of the other Tranquil, but it did not bother them.

I find myself wondering the same question Bethany asked me. What am I?

 **931 Dragon, Ferventis 4** **th**

Before heading to the Healing Center I have been taking time for myself. I have been going to the practice room and pulling at the power within me. It answers to my call with ease. Though with it comes feelings sadness, hope, joy, disgust, and even a bit of fear. I can push the fear aside though and I can make the power act at my will. Even so I dare not use the full potential of this power.

 **931 Dragon, Ferventis 7** **th**

I was in the middle of creating an ice pillar when the door opened. I sent it away before anyone could see. Bethany walked in and I could see her shiver, "Cold in here. Isn't it?"

"The cold doesn't bother me."

"Secondary power perhaps? I noted that you weren't going straight towards the Healing Center yesterday and I decided to follow you." Her brown eyes stare at me watching for something.

"Did you need something?" She nodded slowly, "To understand. I'm not a teenager like Fialla I can't be as easily mollified, not when I feel my heart aching for you."

I shook my head, "I can't feel love." She moves closer to me and touched my shoulder, "Use the power and say the same thing to me. Try it I dare you."

"I was just ensuring there would be no accidents." It is a lie and she knows it even as I speak it. She shakes her head, "No, you were trying to understand it weren't you."

I nod, "Yes, it is like nothing in the books. No need to touch the fade, I just pull and an immense power responds."

"Show me?"

I shake my head, "I shouldn't the feelings that come with it."

"You don't like them?" She touches my cheek and then steps away.

"No, and they chip into my very soul. I am a queen, I watch a sword slicing through an ice statue that is my sister. I know I have killed her and the pain is so great. I don't want to feel it."

She comes back close again it is almost like she is dancing with me this back and forth of hers. "You can't feel happiness without knowing sadness. Who knows maybe there is enough joy in this world to fill your heart and ease the pain? Try it just once . . ."

She takes my hand and I raise the other I connect with the power and make an ice pillar. Suddenly I feel her warm hand in my own. I feel a bright joy and a simmering heat I turn towards her and see her. My heart beats fast and then my lips are on hers. Instead of just warm and wet it feels like sunshine and more. Describing it now is difficult the referent is not the same.

The kiss ended and she moans softly, "I love you Elsa. Stay with me be like this we can escape . . ."

I feel the wanting then the desire to be with her encompasses me and yet at the same time so does a deep care for all of the students. For all the people here in this circle. If I were to leave with Bethany then they would be left behind. I push her gently away and send the ice pillar away as well, "I can't I am needed here and while I am here I can't be like this."

"Please Elsa, I know how we can escape. I help the Mages Underground, we can go and be together." Tears stream down her cheeks and my fingers touch them. Then I pull her into a hug and say, "I can't leave the initiates on their own, I can't . . ."

The words I speak echo back in time and I see a different girl. She has red hair and freckles on her face. The same words, "I can't" spoken by me and then I lashed out with the power through fear. That was the real moment that I killed her. I realize that I am doing this for her, that I won't leave the initiates or the Circle because they need me and they need Bethany. For them and for my sister, Anna, I have to close everything down. I whisper softly into Bethany's ear, "I love you too."

Then I push it all away, down deep and enfold myself in Tranquility. With the emotions gone I am at a loss in the hug, it is just arms around me and body heat. I pull away then Bethany pulls away as well. She stares into my eyes seeking something. I stare back placidly then she breaks away and runs.

I am left in the room by myself and I stare out the window little truly passing for thought in my mind except one thing, "Conceal, don't feel."

 **931 Dragon, Ferventis 16** **th**

Daren Marchant speaks quite a bit about Halla and so I had some carved and then painted for him. I left them in his room early this morning for his 15th birthday. I also left a note since I knew I would be busy later in the day helping to care for some of the young initiates who all caught the same sickness. We call it fox pox and the best cure is lotion and bed rest. Magic seems to just make this disease more virulent.

 **931 Dragon, Ferventis 23** **rd**

We seem to have seen the last of the Fox Pox. Its original source is unknown, but most likely a new initiate came in with it and passed it around the tower. No one perished from the disease due to the efforts of everyone in the Healing center.

I can now spend more of my time assisting Bethany as she teaches initiates and in the cellars watching practice sessions. I am sure the initiates will be happy about that.

 **931 Dragon Soils 1** **st**

I have read more books about the nature of the fade and magic. Every book I read tells me that magic originates from the Fade, the realm where spirits dwell and Humans, Qunari, Elves, and even Dwarves visit when they dream.

Yet my magic seems to be different even though it shares the limitations of teleportation and healing fatal injuries. Not that I could heal any injuries at all, but the limitation is there all the same. There are many differences between what believe I am capable of and normal magic, but a new one also occurs to me the powers of a mage require a direct line of sight to a target, and have a limited range. My powers do not.

There is, however, another power and that is Blood Magic. Blood magic is a school of magic that uses the power inherent in blood and in the users own life force to fuel spell casting and also to twist the blood in others for violent or corrupting purposes. Unlike users of conventional magic, its users do not touch the Fade when casting spells.

Is that what I am remembering about the time before? Was I some sort of blood mage? I know now without a doubt that my powers, or perhaps the fear of them, killed my sister. Was I afraid because I was a blood mage and she found out?

I can't be sure, but the little knowledge I have found suggests that I could indeed be a Blood Mage and according to all Chantry teachings Blood Magic is wrong and illegal.

 **931 Dragon, Solis 8** **th**

The Drama group in Enchanter Bethany's class put on a performance this eve. Enchanter Rhym Cartenn, the Religious studies teacher, seemed quite pleased with the work. It did seem quite good to me and Niam was very good in the role of Maeferath the betrayer while Bertha played Andraste quite well. The flame illusion was also quite good and the audience seemed to appreciate the work.

The adult mages were forced to sit interspersed among the Initiates so as to avoid any large groups and the entire room was cleared after the play. This caused some grumbling, but not very loud. I expect that is because people who complain too loudly are placed in a cell for a day.

 **931 Dragon, Solis 10** **th**

Plays have been banned. We are no longer allowed to stage performances. The reason for this is because three mages escaped yesterday evening. In addition groups of mages larger than 4 are not allowed to congregate except at meal times, which will be watched over by the Templars.

With this new decree I decided to look into mage recreational activities. Formerly there were a few team sports played by larger groups. In fact in the past a team of mages played in the city football tournament and the annual city games. Of course his is no longer possible since mages may not ever leave the circle for any length of time now.

Raquet and pinion may still be played by individuals or two teams of two, but not any larger teams. Chess is still allowed as are card games. Field events are allowed, however few people enjoy doing them without some form of audience to see them compete. There is really very little that a mage can do for recreation now as compared to previous years.

 **931 Dragon, Solis 15** **th**

Bumps, bruises, sprains, mana exhaustion, sickness, and magical accidents are all things we normally see in the Healing Center. In today was Mage Eretterious he had multiple fractures and contusions all over his body. The Healers and I spent hours stabilizing his condition.

When he finally woke he groaned and looked at Healer Allaste, "Should have just let me die. Templar will just do it again."

He closed his eyes and that was it for the night.

 **931 Dragon, Solis 16** **th**

I stayed the night with Mage Erreterious early this morning when it was very dark a Templar came into the room. He pulled a potion from his belt and moved to Mage Erreterious. I spoke softly, "May I ask what you are doing?"

"None of your business Tranquil and you never saw me here." I didn't know this Templars name, however this was clearly not an order I could obey. "I'm sorry, but if you wish to visit you'll have to return later."

He moved to the mage and put the potion to his lips. I stepped up and spoke again, "I am sorry, but if you did not hear me I said you would have to return later. Also this potion is not on the list of approved medicine."

He pushed me to the ground, "Damn it Tranquil. Just shut up and go somewhere else."

I stood, "I am sorry, but I may not leave Mage Erreterious' side until a healer comes to relieve me."

He pressed the potion back to the mages lips and I grabbed it pulling it from him saying, "Again this potion is not approved. Will you please depart."

A steel gauntlet collided with my face and the world went black. When I woke again I was on the floor. I felt my nose and it was assuredly broken plus I likely had a concussion. Still my duty was to care for Mage Erreterious and I moved to his bedside only to find he no longer required my care because he was dead.

Whatever potion the Templar was trying to give him killed him. When the healers came in that morning they assisted me with my nose and then sent me to see the First Enchanter. In his office I reported what had happened and he then assured us he would bring the matter to Knight Captain Cullen.

His assurance did not set back the realization that had I used my power the mage might have lived.

 **931 Dragon, Solis 24** **th**

There have been no reported mage escapes lately, this does not mean they haven't happened just that the Templars are not reporting them to us. I thought about this after Bethany's class when we sat and instead of discussing grades and progress Bethany began speaking about the Mages Underground. "I think there's more than one group we call the Underground. Some people who have escaped well that's not due to our actions."

"We arrange ourselves in the allowed groups of four, with one mage going from group to group to spread the word. It's easier now to get people involved than it was before. We all see the need for this now."

"Where do they go?" She shrugged at that, "I don't know really we get them onto a ship or a cart and they go. Seekers probably start looking for them, but better to be free and on the run than in here and at the whim of Knight Commander Evil."

"Meredith Stannard." I corrected and she just replied, "Yeah same thing. Then again I've been on the run and afraid of the knock at the door all my life. That's no way to live either." She sighs, "Would have been worth it with you though."

"I understand what you are saying and cannot reciprocate at this time. We are friends and I have duties here to the Initiates and in the Healing Center."

"I know, we went over this before you went all Tranquil again. Besides I won't leave without you. I can't now and you know why."

I nodded and then departed to prepare the evening meal.

 **931 Dragon, Matrinalis 6** **th**

Things have not been getting better, by my personal observation and count there have been at least another ten escapes. Templars roam every hall and look into every room they search possessions and read letters at will.

To make matters even more serious five of the older Initiates have died at their Harrowing due to Demon Possession. One of the other five in that class has already asked to become Tranquil. The rest have asked to delay their Harrowing asked for more time to prepare.

 **931 Dragon, Matrinalis 17** **th**

Five new initiates have been brought in to the circle. They have been placed in age appropriate class groups. One of them is in the class of young students that I help with. Her name is Rhialla Whist a Dalish elf of 14 with brown hair and brown eyes.

 **931 Dragon, Matrinalis 24** **th**

Initiate Jared Jammisson was tried for murder today and then hung at the gallows. The trial barely lasted two hours and the Templar Judge declared him guilty. I do not know what to really write about this. He had just turned fifteen and yet that does not excuse the fact that his 'prank' killed a Templar.

 **931 Dragon, Parvulis 8** **th**

Fialla was in my room speaking with me tonight. The conversation was more serious than our usual fare. "I think Bethany is very sad lately."

I nod, "Yes times are very difficult for her."

She sighed, "You like her though right?"

I shrugged, "I believe we were friends however I have little in the way of emotions or desires."

"Currently yeah. I bet there are people who wish they could turn them off like you do."

"I doubt they would willingly become tranquil though."

"Yeah, that does make it a lot less appealing."

"Would you like to play a game?" She asked pulling out our usual chess set.

 **931 Dragon, Parvulis 17** **th**

Rhialla Whist became 15 today. The young Dalish girl has been interested in cards lately. I have found a pack of nicely detailed cards and gave them to her as well as the usual baked goods.

As she was chewing her cake she spoke or mumbled, but I understood her words, "Enchanter Bethany keeps a distance, but you come closer. Even though you're all like a golem you still seem to know what to do for us. You know how to listen and provide feedback when we're practicing with you. How do you do it?"

"Tranquil are often good at listening, also it is the task I am assigned to. You are my charges and thus I am to care for you."

"Yeah, but none of the other Tranquils assigned to Class Groups take time out to bake treats or make presents. A good half of them suck at corrections to spell forms. Sure, they can watch for mana exhaustion, but that's it."

I listen to her and don't bother nodding, "Some of the Initiates say you aren't really Tranquil. That somehow you're faking." She moves and presses her hand to my forehead. Fingertips glide over the sunburst brand and she shakes her head. "No one would get that for a fake though."

I shake my head, "No, it was my request. I was a danger to myself and others."

"I don't suppose you'll say why?"

I shake my head, "No sorry, the fewer people who know the better."

She hugs me and says, "Well thanks for discussing what you could Elsa. See you in class tomorrow."

I agree that I will see her and then depart for my room.

 **931 Dragon, Frumentum 10** **th**

One initiate passed their Harrowing today while two others decided on Tranquility and the fourth died.

The Mage who passed her harrowing was Quinn Trentson. She is an 18 year old human with brown hair and brown eyes. She has been informing other students that the Harrowing is clearly too hard and that it shouldn't have been made so much harder.

When asked how it was made harder Quinn Trentson was saying that a Templar had purposefully used a holy smite on her right before the Harrowing. If this was truly the case then it would have left her with much less mana before the Harrowing. With less mana she'd have been more vulnerable to demons in the fade and more likely to be unable to return in the time allotted for a Harrowing or to return as an abomination.

 **931 Dragon, Frumentum 11** **th**

Fialla is worried about her Harrowing. She is only fourteen though and needs not worry for another two to five years. Still there is some logic to her worry. Only one mage out of ten survived the last class group and in former years the odds were only at fifty percent. This means there is some clear danger in the process.

I have said that being Tranquil is not so bad, but she points out that I am different from the others and she is right. Even the other eight who were also assisting classes were not nearly as capable of independent work as I am. Very few Tranquil are.

With much of this in mind I have been studying over many texts in the library. In older times it seems that more mages passed their Harrowing and in other Circles this also seems to be the case. The trend of failure here in Kirkwall has increased over time. The most significant increase has come under Knight Commander Meredith Stannard. This seems to me to be evidence in favor of Mage Quinn Trentson's accusations.

Realizing this fact I took the information to First Enchanter Orsino. He nodded slowly and said, "Yes it does seem that way. I have brought it up to her, but she will not listen. I tried speaking with Grand Cleric Elthina, but she cannot see it or refuses to believe. She asks that I have patience with Meredith and work with her."

He sighs and says, "Go about your other tasks Tranquil. Leave this matter to those better equipped and study something else."

I left and tried to leave the matter behind as I was ordered.

 **931 Dragon, Umbralis 5** **th**

Ten mages died attempting escape early this morning. 12 Templars also perished in the encounter. I ended up missing classes because the Healing Center required me more. There were four mages and six Templars there and each one was in critical condition due to the battle.

 **931 Dragon, Umbralis 6** **th**

Two mages and one Templar passed during the night due to their wounds yesterday. The others were in better condition, but we kept them on bed rest. The Mages were Mage Sylvia and Mage Vurner the Templars were Dame Reynia, Ser Hollivar, Ser Thomas, Ser Humboldt, and Ser Hamish.

I was able to help with Bethany's class today now that everyone is no longer in such dire straits.

 **931 Dragon, Umbralis 7** **th**

I came to the Healing Center this evening to find the Six Templar throwing out Smite's. Healer Nymeria was unconscious on the ground and I was checking her vitals even as Healer Allaste was shouting, "Stop! If you are well enough to fight then you are bloody well, well enough to get the hell out of my Healing Center."

The Templar marched away and Allaste said, "How is she Elsa?"

"Possible concussion, but otherwise she should be fine." I placed her into one of the beds. "How are the other patients Healer Allaste?"

"Suffering from mana exhaustion, but otherwise well. Besides acting like rudding two year olds that is." A voice from a bed softly shouted, "Hey!"

Allaste moved over to Mage Vurner saying, "There were two of you and six of them. You could have held your stupid tongue and you could have left them be, but no you acted like a spoiled child and riled them up. You'll be lucky if you're only in cells for a month after all this."

The Mage had nothing to say in his defense. In the meantime Nymeria awoke and shooed me away. I went to check on the other patients, but both mages seemed fine for the day.

 **931 Dragon, Umbralis 8** **th**

Nymeria was not quite accurate yesterday. Mage Verner was sentenced to three months in the cells for attempted escape. Mage Sylvia, on the other hand, was tried for murder and hung at the gallows. From what I understand the reason Mage Verner was not charged with murdering a Templar was because he had been knocked unconscious at the beginning of the battle.

 **931 Dragon, Umbralis 23** **rd**

Two mages left the Circle along with Initiates Bertha Thomson, Niam M'thenn, Peter Soren and six other initiates late yesterday evening. The reason I know this is because I spoke with Bethany after class and she reported the information to me. After hearing the news I spoke softly, "Why would you allow this?"

"Even the initiates are not safe here Elsa. They need to leave and find a better circle. I ensured that they would know how to get to Val Royeaux." It had become common knowledge that the Val Royeaux circle was much more hospitable than the one in Kirkwall. Even so a journey from here to there would be greatly taxing and the Templars would be after them. The Initiates might be safe there, but the mages would still be apostate and the Templar would punish them.

 **931 Dragon, Cassus 5** **th**

Yet again I found myself called down to the Healing Center and treating wounds. There were seven Templar under my care today. I should say very specifically under my care as it was requested that neither, Nymeria nor, Allaste be involved with treating them. There were no mages or initiates in the Healing Center, this despite the fact that 14 mages and 10 Initiates had tried to escape and failed.

All of them were killed including three children of 8. The Templar involved were not named and I was instructed to heal these seven and never mention who they were. After the incident Knight Commander Meredith Stannard did say there would be an inquest, but I do not think she was telling the truth.


	7. Chapter 7

**932 Dragon, Verimensis 1** **st**

With the coming of the new year has also come additional initiates. Knight Commander Meredith issued an order for the Templar to sweep the city over the New Year celebrations. They returned from the sweep this morning with eleven children almost all of whom were above the age of eleven.

The older of these children came in with bruises and wounds. I cared for them and helped them settle in. None have been placed in Bethany's classes. In fact I have found out that a number of initiates are now being overseen by Templars instead of enchanters. When I asked why I found out that eight of our 56 enchanters had escaped over the last few months and none of the mages in residence were interested in becoming Enchanters.

 **932 Dragon, Verimensis 2** **nd**

We gained two in initiates in the Class Group that learns practical magic from Bethany. They are an elven boy of 14 named Ranneth Simeo and a human girl of 14 named Lenora Kirkson. Both were bruised and did not speak much in class.

Much later in the evening Fialla was speaking with me, "Bethany still pines for you did you know?"

"Yes I am aware, but cannot return her feelings."

"So you've said and you cannot do magic either, excepting circumstances when a young elven girl runs away and the city is invaded by Qunari?"

I give her a light smile, "Yes, excepting those circumstances."

"She loves you."

I look at the girl and shrug helplessly, "I do not know what to do with that information."

"If you were Niam and Bertha you'd run off and hope to find a happy ending together, although if you were Peter and Candith you'd have a big fight and start seeing someone else."

"Well it seems we are like neither couple. May I ask about the other students they have not been speaking to me as much as of late."

She sighs softly, "Four years and then I'll have to choose. All of us will death or Tranquility . . . what a choice."

"I see you believe Mage Quinn's assessment." She nods, "Yes and I saw the report you gave to Orsino we all have. It's gone around to every Initiate 13 and older and honestly it scares me. You already know that Bethany is teaching us how we might survive in the fade even with less mana."

"It is a reasonable precaution that you should certainly use."

 **932 Dragon, Verimensis 16** **th**

Today all classes were cancelled and everyone was required to come to the Gallows. We came and watched as twenty escaped mages were hung. For a brief moment I felt deep anger while watching the proceedings, the power swirled up and I pushed down as best I could, even so the sky above dropped snow in powerful flurries.

I knew I could have stopped this, freed these mages and helped them to escape again, but there was no logical reason to do so. In fact, all my knowledge suggested that freeing them would simply cause more problems especially since it would reveal that a Tranquil mage could use magic. A revelation like that would shatter institutions and change the entire world in ways I couldn't even begin to know or understand.

So, I kept the power contained as best I could and Kirkwall had the heaviest snowfall it had ever seen in a hundred years.

 **932 Dragon, Verimensis 17** **th**

It took me most of the day to push my power down and then I realized that without it I could not end the snow storm. I had to delve back into the power and bear the brunt of a powerful rage and then calm it. It took time, effort and every bit of my concentration, but I finally succeeded and the snow storm ended.

After Bethany's Class ended the Enchanter came over to me, "You okay Elsa? You haven't exactly been with us today."

"I am well now Bethany. I just needed to concentrate." She smirked, "On ending the storm, I can see how that might be important."

I had no reason to lie to her so I just nodded. "The hangings too much for you? Angry I would guess."

"Also sad, but yes Angry as well. This is why it is better to be tranquil no feelings means no danger." She shook her head, "I think you could work with it learn to control it."

"You may possibly be right, but it must stay a secret and so we are where we have always been."

"Friendly disagreement?" Her smile was wide and bright. A small bit of emotion rose from below and it felt like my heart had been stabbed. I pushed it away though. "Indeed Bethany, now if you will please excuse me I am going to the Healing Center."

"How long have you been off meal preparation duty?"

"A few months now, my services are more needed in the Healing Center since few other mages are willing and some of the Templar prefer not to be seen by Healer Nymeria or Allaste."

"Fools." Those were the last words I heard from her that day.

 **932 Dragon, Verimensis 19** **th**

The city seems to be back to normal now. It clearly took some time to dig out from the snow. I wonder if I should have embraced the power a bit longer to send it away and then decide, once again, that the risk would not be worth it.

 **932 Dragon, Pluitanis 1** **st**

I dropped in to see Mikkel Morrinson at the smithy today after class. I presented him with some silverite ore for his 15th birthday. "Now that's an odd present, but certainly appreciated. Thanks Elsa, you've been great to all of us."

"I appreciate the sentiment Initiate Mikkel." Even as I wonder how true his words really are. I have helped heal Initiates and mages, I have healed Templars. I have sat with the sick and I even helped to save the city during the Qunari attack. Yet, so many mages have escaped that there are only 23 in residence and only 48 Enchanters a total of seventy three. Compared to the 78 that were here when I began keeping track this might seem an increase, however when the Starkhaven Circle burnt down we doubled our numbers. Considering how many mages have escaped and how many have died I find that Mikkel's statement cannot possibly be accurate.

I have not been 'great' to all the mages or even all the initiates. I didn't bother telling Mikkel this, instead I simply said I had to go to the Healing Center. There I began to wonder if there was in fact some way to be 'great' to everyone. As of this writing I have not found a way.

In fact it seems that such a thing would be utterly impossible. Even so I do think my presence helps the Initiates and for everyone who ends up in the Healing Center. That may be the best I can possibly do.

 **932 Dragon, Pluitanis 10** **th**

I have been reading a great deal from the Chant of Light, however it does not seem to assist in any way in determining if there is a better course of action available to me. Andraste fought the Tevinter Imperium for freedom from the magisters and in turn her teachings ended up imprisoning mages in the circles. As a Tranquil I have no power or capability to change what is now set from history. If I were to use the power I have I could change things, but in order to do so people would die. I say that because any direct application of my powers would mean a fight a battle with the entirety of the Andrastian faith and then would I impose my rules with power? Doing so seems little different from the Tevinter imperium.

It still seems best to work from where I am at what I can. Healing and teaching the next generation of mages. Perhaps someday I will see a reason to change, but so far I have not found one.

In reading through the chant of light I have found a passage that calls to me though:

 _Shadows fall and hope has fled  
Steel your heart, the dawn will come  
The night is long and the path is dark  
Look to the sky for one day soon  
The dawn will come_

 **932 Dragon, Nubulis 7** **th**

I think of Initiate Bertha Thomson today on her 16th birthday. Is she well? How are she and Initiate Niam M'thenn faring together. I think these thoughts even as we bury Peter Soren. The young man was returned here to the circle when he was found dead in the gutters of Kirkwall. Sadness touches at me, but I push it away, I have no need for the emotion or the tears it brings. Let alone the connection to the vast well of power inside me.

Tranquility engulfs me like a cloak and I put the thoughts away. I prepare Initiate Peter Soren's body and he is buried. A holy sister of Andraste provides the sermon. At the very end of the day I dropped by Lucy Interswin's room and gave her some cake and a small staff. She is 14 today and I hope she is not thinking of running off.

 **932 Dragon, Nubulis 14** **th**

Initiate Ranneth Simeo died in a fall from the tower today. The official word is that he was climbing up for a lark and missed his grip. Amberlee Hanaras has a different story though as the students were departing class she was saying that she saw a Templar push him.

I think most of the students believed her. In fact I cannot say that her words do not have merit. The Templar continue to treat the mages here very poorly as evidenced by numerous cases of bruises and broken bones I have seen in the Healing Center.

First Enchanter Orsino complains, but as of yet there have been no inquests.

 **932 Dragon, Eluviesta 3** **rd**

Bethany's class size increased by five today. I greeted the new initiates and gathered the important details about them. They were sent to this class because one of the other Enchanters teaching practical spell use has escaped.

The Students are:

Kevin East a male human of 14 with blond hair and brown eyes

Ella Hnarash a female Dalish elf of 12 with brown hair and brown eyes

Lee Jones a male human of 13 with colored blue hair and brown eyes

Mariah Connors a female human of 14 with red hair and green eyes

Peter Iason a male City elf of 14 with brown hair and brown eyes

 **932 Dragon, Eluviesta 6** **th**

Candith Reynolds became 15 today. The silver haired woman was very desirous of some hair combs and I was more than capable of fashioning some. I dropped them off with baked goods this evening. After eating we spent some time helping her put the combs in her hair in different styles.

 **932 Dragon, Eluviesta 18** **th**

'Abomination' that is the word going around the Circle today. A mage taken over by a demon, in this case a Rage Demon, went through the Templar here killing at least thirty and wounding more. The ones sent to the Healing Center required the aid of every healer we had and some volunteers such as Bethany.

The Abomination went through some of the older Initiate's classes and killed ten of the Initiates before it was finally taken down. It is very rare for a mage that has passed their Harrowing to become an Abomination, yet it does happen.

First Enchanter Orsino has gone to Knight Commander Meredith to request more leniency in our treatment here. His argument is that the current treatment is what led to this incident. Having seen the history of this Circle I am inclined to agree with his assessment.

 **932 Dragon, Eluviesta 21** **st**

Templar patrols have been slightly reduced and the curfew has been lifted. However, Mages may still not gather in large groups and the current rules are temporary only. I am told that High Cleric Elthina is responsible for the changes.

I did seek an Audience with First Enchanter Orsino to suggest that he show my research to the Grand Cleric, but he did not have time to see 'Some Tranquil' and so I left with research in hand and none to share it with.

 **932 Dragon, Molioris 1** **st**

Four Initiates died at their Harrowing today. Two more begged off for another day and four others asked to become Tranquil.

 **932 Dragon, Molioris 2** **nd**

The rite of tranquility was performed for the four mages who did not wish to undergo the Harrowing. When the rite was over they were sent to the Healing Center. We helped care for them while they were unconscious.

 **932 Dragon, Molioris 3** **rd**

The four Tranquil in the Healing Center have gone to live in Tranquil Quarters. Testing suggests that they cannot read or write. They will not be useful for many tasks around the Circle except perhaps cleaning.

I wonder what it is that makes some Tranquil able to do more, not just what makes me different, but what makes some of the others different as well.

 **932 Dragon, Molioris 10** **th**

The group of Tranquil who, along with me, assist in the classrooms is currently at 15. It took some time to arrange a meeting between us all and the event is rather quiet. No one is talking to their neighbor and everyone sits quietly looking at me.

We re-discussed the method of applying orders from differing sources even though my own standards had changed the group still felt that their understanding was that First Enchanter Orsino's orders came first since we were mages, even though tranquil, then Knight Commander Meredith Stannard and the Templar order under her as ranked by their hierarchy, then Enchanters in the Circle, then mages and that Initiates came last if they even needed to be obeyed. There was some disagreement on the last with an even split between Tranquil who felt Initiates should be obeyed and Tranquil who did not. Though, from what I could tell the disagreement was somewhat on age lines with the Tranquil in charge of older Initiates being more willing to follow orders than the ones in charge of younger classes.

In any case this group of Tranquil all had some amount of initiative. They all could follow orders and adapt to changing circumstances, although some better than others. They also, all of them, could not feel emotions excepting a moderate concern.

It was interesting, but did not help me understand how and why they were different from the other sixty four percent of Tranquil here at the Circle.

 **932 Dragon, Molioris 17** **th**

I haven't wanted to put anything here in my diary until I was finished speaking with each of the other Tranquil in what I am now considering Tranquil+ the plus is for extra something more than most Tranquil have. What I have found so far is that each of these people were strong willed and even powerful mages before the rite of Tranquility. This compares to other Tranquil I spoke with in that the others all had very little or weak magic, that nearly everyone felt the weak mage would be a danger. In the case of the Tranquil+ it seems to be something they chose after careful consideration and often enough after another mage before them died in their Harrowing.

In essence I believe that the Tranquil+ would have passed their Harrowing barring any unforeseen smites from nearby Templars beforehand. Upon learning all of this I find myself reading through the Chant of Light. I find the verse that I have heard used to explain the Circles:

 _Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.  
Foul and corrupt are they  
Who have taken His gift  
And turned it against His children.  
They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones.  
They shall find no rest in this world  
Or beyond._

However I also see the verse right after it:

 _All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands,  
From the lowest slaves  
To the highest kings.  
Those who bring harm  
Without provocation to the least of His children  
Are hated and accursed by the Maker.  
_

I wonder how those in power are unable to see the harm they are bringing on mages with their system of Circles. Harm that is so clearly brought upon them without provocation. My power rumbles inside me and I push it away. This is not a problem that can be solved with a snow storm or freezing, it is a problem that touches nations and the very bedrock of people's faith.

There is nothing I can do to solve it, or at least nothing that I can think of, but I promise myself that I will continue my research.

 **932 Dragon, Ferventis 3** **rd**

Historically the Rite of Tranquility dates back to the twentieth year of the Divine Age, the fledgling Chantry convinced the Inquisition to unite under the banner of their common faith. Upon signing the Nevarran Accord, the two organizations jointly created the Circle of Magi and established the Templar Order as wardens for the Circles and guardians over magic use. They also established the Rite of Tranquility as a 'mercy' for mages who could not complete their Harrowing.

The Rite can only be given with the permission of the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander, however this can vary by circle, such as Kirkwall where the First Enchanter is advised that the Knight Commander has accepted certain mages applications to become Tranquil.

I say applications because in none of my time at the Circle has a Mage gone under the rite without an application, then again, quite a number have died in their Harrowing. The threat of potential death is high enough to make many mages pursue Tranquility I would think.

I would also note that in most books that discuss Tranquility they really only seem to discuss the Tranquil+ or basically the Tranquil who are capable of taking orders and acting with Volition. The Tranquil unable to act as such are ignored. This means that anyone outside a Mages Circle who hears of the Rite of Tranquility will only hear about the best of us and not the fate of those who cannot read or write. They will not hear about Tranquil who need assistance just to wipe their own bottom.

I have this information in mind when Bethany is speaking about, Varrick Tethras, the dwarf I met while assisting in saving the city. Apparently he sent her a letter asking how things were and Bethany replied that things could be better. "I was keeping it light, I don't think he really wants to know how bad it is here and he's rather busy with things in town."

"What sorts of things?"

"Business and writing he just finished the first book in a romance series about a guard-captain that falls in love with a Templar knight-captain."

The thoughts come to me even as I say them, "Do you think he would be interested in writing about the Kirkwall Circle and the Tranquil here?"

"He might, but wouldn't the Templars want to hear about it as well? Especially how the mages have been escaping and who knows all this information about things in the circle." She stares at me and I nod slowly. A book would be a great Idea, but it would put Varrick Tethras in danger, plus if interrogated harshly enough he could inform about the Mages Underground and me.

It was a good idea until those points were expanded upon. Bethany and I conversed more about Varrick and her sister's current adventures and then I departed for the Healing Center.

 **932 Dragon, Ferventis 14** **th**

Peter Iason became 15 today. I presented him with a hand crafted staff and he was grateful although he seemed to enjoy his cake even more.

 **932 Dragon, Solis 1** **st**

Bethany gained two new students in her class today, they are Ephallia M'thenn a female Dalish elf of 12 with brown hair and brown eyes and Daniel Kent a male human of 12 also with brown hair and brown eyes. This would bring our class size beyond the usual number, however Daren Marchant, Peter Iason and Candith Reynolds have decided to pursue self-study. Not that this fact has prevented them from continuing to request time in the morning to practice in the cellars with my supervision.

 **932 Dragon, Solis 18** **th**

Amberlee Hanaras became 14 today. When I visited her she was sobbing. I put a hand on her shoulder and asked what was wrong. "Death or Tranquility that's what. A few more years and that will be my choice."

"Surely you can learn enough from Enchanter Bethany." My words are a potential, but even I cannot be sure they are true. None of the students learning from Bethany have undergone their Harrowing. There is nothing to suggest her teaching methods work any better than any other Enchanter's.

"Maybe . . maybe I can." She moves to me and takes the offered cake. She eats it and then opens her present. It is a copy of Varrick Tethras' new book. She smiles and says, "Oh I wanted this. Thank you!"

 **932 Dragon, Matrinalis 9** **th**

Kevin East is 15 today and I wonder how so much time has passed without much in the way of entries. It is not that things have gotten better or that they are worse. No mages have escaped lately although there is a great deal of tension between Mages and Templars here. Initiates, Enchanters, Mages all have had run ins with Templars and been imprisoned with little regard to the facts in evidence.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 15** **th**

There was another Abomination in the tower, this time in a class near ours. I heard the explosion and ran over immediately. At first I thought I would help the wounded, but as I saw the rage filled creature I knew there was only one solution. I opened myself to my power and froze it solid. A blast from Bethany's staff shattered it into tiny fragments and then I moved to help the injured.

As I worked I couldn't help but notice that half of the class was dead. Five children killed by their own teacher. I doubt it was what he wanted to do and yet clearly he had been working with powers beyond his control. Thankfully I was able to help the other five students and the other teacher.

Templar helped carry them to the Healing Center and Bethany explained that when she heard the commotion she came over and used her magic to stop the Abomination. It was the last thing on my mind, but it kept the secret safe.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 17** **th**

Rhialla Whist became 16 today and requested to undergo her Harrowing. It is allowed for mages of 16 and older to do so, but it is rare that it happens when they reach 16. Most mages choose to wait a bit longer in order to prepare themselves. Here in Kirkwall they often wait until they are 20 which is basically the oldest they can be before an Inquest into whether or not they should be made Tranquil begins.

I spoke to her this evening before curfew she was eating her cake and examining the staff I had helped to fashion for her. "You know you could take back your request, it not too late. The preparations will take a few days."

She shakes her head, "No, I'd rather face it now waiting another four years would just make me more nervous. I figure I would face it now and then I wouldn't have to worry."

"You think you can do it even with reduced mana from a smite?"

She shrugs, "Maybe not, but I don't think another few years will change that either. Are you really concerned for me?"

"You are one of the Initiates in my care, it is my duty to care for you. Even if I do not have the emotions I can understand the social contract implied." She chuckles and shakes her head. "All of us in class think you have emotions in there somewhere."

"I have been told the same from others, however there are many Tranquil who care for Initiates and they all act in a similar manner to me." I did not mention to her that I had suggested certain things to our group like celebrating birthdays and stopping to ask how an Initiate was feeling. Such things were 'logical' in the care of Initiates, but not always considered.

I paused then spoke again saying, "The point about me detracts from the main thrust of my intentions coming here though. It was my intention to encourage you to reconsider your choice to undergo a Harrowing."

She smiled and shook her head, "I've thought about it Elsa, but my mind is made up. I'm doing this.

I nodded, "I understand your decision and respect your wishes. Have a good evening and a happy birthday."

She hugged me and I departed.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 18** **th**

Rhialla Whist was not in Bethany's class today she was instead preparing for her Harrowing which will be tomorrow. After class I spoke with Bethany, "I have attempted to get Initiate Rhialla Whist to reconsider her Harrowing, but my words did not sway her."

"I tried too Elsa, I worry about her. I'm not sure she's ready. If I could I'd go to the fade and help her I would, but only the First Enchanter and a Templar are allowed at a Harrowing and entering the fade like that takes a large amount of power and Lyrium. Besides, she has to face it on her own you know that."

I nod, "Yes, mages are beacons for Demons as they grow in power they become brighter and brighter. They must face them and learn how to turn them away. Otherwise they will become Abominations."

"Exactly so there's really not much we can do except train them and hope. I'd like to prevent the Templars from smiting them as they go to their Harrowing, but we have no evidence that it has happened and since they don't do it in front of the First Enchanter he can't stop the Harrowing. After all it isn't like we can tell just how much mana any mage currently has available to them." Her voice was bit louder by this time and then she sighed with frustration. "We're stuck, that's all there is to it. The First Enchanter has little power leaving us at the mercy of a woman who has none."

I had no words to say after that, there were none that would be of use. Everything she had said was basically true and although I could use my power there was nothing for me to use it on. Perhaps if I was more inclined towards violence I would have an answer, but even so there was no guarantee that violence would solve this problem and this problem was not just one Initiates Harrowing. The problem goes all the way back to the way Circles functioned and the relationship between Mages and Templars. It even stretched further back from that and into the teachings of the Chantry and possibly even Andraste' s rebellion against the Tevinter empire.

Of course it is impossible to work at a problem from such a large perspective. We must break it down into smaller parts and the ultimate smallest parts. The part here was Rhialla Whist and her Harrowing. The main stumbling block would be a Templar, unseen by the First Enchanter, who used a smite on her. The solution was clear in my mind, this action must be stopped.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 19** **th**

Mages are not allowed near the Harrowing unless they are the First Enchanter, the group administering the Harrowing, or the Initiate. Tranquil, on the other hand, are ignored. I was able to make my way into the main hall where Initiate Rhialla Whist would go through to start her Harrowing. I could stand quietly and watch her from the point she came down the hall all the way to the point when she entered the Harrowing Chamber.

There were eight Templar lining the hall and if there was any truth to rumors, and circumstantial evidence suggested there was, then one of them would smite the initiate under my care. I waited concentrating on my power and sending a slick sheet of ice under each and every Templar's feet.

As I worked I felt emotions fill me. Anger, hope, sadness wrenched at my heart, but I held them at bay. This was too important so I pushed the emotions aside and focused on my power. The Dalish elf walked down the hallway and I watched her. She had her shoulders back and head straight, the staff I made for her was held confidently in her hands and I felt a rush of joy fill me along with some trepidation. I shoved the trepidation away with an iron will and focused myself on my task. No one was going to smite my Initiate today.

The Brown haired girl walked down the hall past the first two Templar and as she began to pass the second pair I saw one begin to move. Thought propelled the ice sheet under his feet into the air and he tumbled to the ground. The Dalish girl looked his direction briefly and walked faster she passed the third pair of Templar even as the first pair were moving to examine their fallen comrade. He was saying, "I'm okay, felt like something pushed up at my feet though."

I pulled the ice away and there was nothing for the Templar to see even as Initiate Rhialla passed the final pair of Templar and entered the Harrowing chamber. I stepped into the hallway and said, "I am done cleaning here, I must be on to my next duty."

Not a single Templar acknowledged me and I went to meet with the initiates I had on my schedule for practice in the cellars. It wasn't until just as Bethany's class was ending that new Mage Rhialla Whist came in and shouted, "I passed!"

The class erupted into wild celebration some asking her if she'd experienced a smite from any of the Templars. Her response was, "Maybe they tried, but I guess he missed his footing on the carpet or something and fell." Once she finished saying that the young girl looked over at me and winked.

Later in my room before bed she came to see me. "So, just what did you do Elsa?"

"I was simply cleaning the hallway."

Her brown eyes stared into my blue ones and she said, "Mhmm and you just happened to be cleaning the hallway to my Harrowing. Happened to clean the place where no mages are allowed and somehow one Templar happened to trip as I was going to my Harrowing?"

I sighed and then said, "I do not believe it will do you any good to know more details."

"Which means you did do something and won't tell me. Well whatever it was I hope you're careful. The Templar might not have noticed you today, but if another trip and fall happens and you are there someone is going to begin to suspect something."

I nodded and then she moved to hug me again, "I told you I knew you were different. Thank you for everything Elsa."

She departed and I was left to ponder her words. She was right, I couldn't be seen next time. I touched my power feeling it rise and pushing the emotions away at the same time. Maybe I was wrong about not being able to use my power to help, I'd just have to be careful and keep a tight rein on my emotions. After all Tranquil do not have any emotions.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 21** **st**

In class I find myself looking at Bethany more than I once did. I find a sensation that makes my heart beat stronger. It is not all that different from what I feel when I am looking at the Initiates in my care and yet when I look at the black haired Enchanter something else is added. It is a desire to put my fingers on her and touch her to press my lips against hers. I push the feelings away and the power inside is pushed away as well.

I practice some in my room and it becomes clear that I need emotion to use the power. In my use in the hallway to the Harrowing chamber it was my desire to aid my Initiate. When I helped save Kirkwall it was a spinning explosion of numerous emotions. Basically I must learn to control my emotions and wield them if I ever wish to wield this power.

I have a beginning place to start from though, the blanket of Tranquility pushes all emotions away. So all I need to do is work from there.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 25** **th**

If I focus on a single goal I can push that goal as my one desire. That desire will resonate with the power inside and make it work for me. However other emotions fill me as well. The easiest to push aside is fear since I am not afraid, the hardest to push aside is my desire for Bethany. I desperately wish to run to her and tell her how I feel. Luckily I am usually in the cellar when this happens and by the time I stand and begin to act on the desire I can push it away and cover myself in Tranquility.

 **932 Dragon, Parvulis 30** **th**

With a great deal of concentration and control I have replicated my actions at Mage Rhialla Whist's Harrowing. I believe I could do the same thing again. I believe I could even do it again if I could only see the hallway.

All I need to do is figure out a way to see the hallway without actually being in it. This way I will ensure that no one suspects I am assisting the Initiates.


	8. Chapter 8

**933 Dragon, Verimensis 5** **th**

Daniel Kent became 13 today. In addition to some cake I brought him some model soldiers. He seemed to like them a great deal.

 **933 Dragon, Verimensis 10** **th**

When Fialla visited me this evening I almost rushed to hug her. The young elven girl is like a little sister to me and I can't help but revel in her presence. I had been practicing with my powers earlier and apparently my gasp on Tranquility was not as strong as I had thought.

I pulled my tranquility in tight though and I do not think Fialla was any wiser. Not that it would matter in her case, but it would be best not to grow lax. Especially since I believe that if she or Bethany knew I was working with my powers they would wish to be a part of the process.

I believe that such information could be a danger to them. As such it seems best to keep things to myself at this time.

 **933 Dragon, Verimensis 18** **th**

It is vital to keep my power deep when in class. The more I use it the more difficult it is to put away the emotions it brings afterwards. However, I have found a way to watch the hallway to the Harrowing chamber from a distance. The windows outside allow a perfect viewing spot and since they are extremely high in the air few would be looking at them from outside. Knowing this and with my current level of skill I believe I can safely end my experiments for now.

 **933 Dragon, Pluitanis 1** **st**

Mikkel Morrinson turned 16 today. I was able to procure some white steel for him, although not in a large quantity. Still he seems happy to have the material to work with. He says he's been working on enchanting things as he makes them lately and that he has some ideas for the future.

He did not mention any interest in having a Harrowing although he will drop out of classes to begin preparations for the future.

 **933 Dragon, Pluitanis 16** **th**

Ten mages have been brought back to the circle today. They will be confined to cells for some four months. However even as these ten returned four mages escaped along with eight initiates including Peter Iason and Daren Marchant. I spoke with Bethany about the Initiates, but she informed me that she didn't know anything.

I suspect Bethany was not telling the truth, however she has not spoken about working with the Mages Underground in a very long time. There is some possibility that she no longer has ties with that group.

 **933 Dragon, Pluitanis 23** **rd**

I have attempted to gain information about the Mages Underground, however it seems like none of the Mages or Enchanters know anything about it. Clearly they are not all telling the truth and some have suggested that other Tranquil have asked them similar questions. As I recall very clearly from discussions with Tranquil+ orders from Templar come before orders from mages and First Enchanter Orsino has not spoken to me again about not reporting anything about the Mages Underground.

In fact he has a few times publically stated that he would look into the matter. It may be possible that such wording has inclined many Tranquil+ to go along with Templar orders to find out more about the Mages Underground.

As it is I suspect I will not find out any information on the subject.

 **933 Dragon, Nubulis 5** **th**

Having a plan to assist initiates with their Harrowing only helps if I know the Initiate and when they will have their Harrowing. A lesson learned today when three initiates died this morning and I did not hear about it until later in the day.

I will request information from Tranquil responsible for other Initiates, but it will not help for the Initiates who are currently involved in self-study. There are twenty of them ranging in age from 16 – 20 and they need not go to a practical magic class or any class where a Tranquil is assisting.

I will have to ask Bethany if she has the information.

 **933 Dragon, Nubulis 7** **th**

Lucy Interswin became 15 today. Presents and a cake were appreciated as usual.

I was also able to speak with Bethany after celebrating with Initiate Lucy Interswin. After entering Bethany's quarters I spoke saying, "I require your assistance."

The black haired woman looked at me, "With what exactly? Your powers maybe?"

I shake my head, "No that is not it."

"Really because at least one Mage I know spoke about how she passed her Harrowing. A Mage who was an Initiate in my class and now three mages who weren't in my class died. That's three mages who were older than she was and ought to have done better, yet somehow they didn't. Also, I know someone who has powers beyond what any Templar might see, someone who would be concerned about the Initiates and the same someone is in here asking me for my assistance."

She paused and moved closer, "Another Initiate of mine noticed something odd about you sometime back a way you were looking at the class and she said you almost hugged her when she came to your room. She said it was almost like when you saved the city. So would you like to tell me what's really going on?"

It was a large amount of information to take in, but I understood what she was saying, yet at the same time this didn't need to include her. I attempted to work with that thought in mind, "I just need to know when a Harrowing will occur."

She moved close and pressed me into a kiss, her lips were warm and wet. A small crackle of energy shot into my power, but I pushed it away. This was not the time or the place. She stepped away and sighed, "I don't get it. No response what the hell? You care for the Initiates and I know you care for me, but right now, that kiss it was nothing to you."

She stepped away with tears in her eyes, "Do you know how hard it is to see you every day? To know that the woman I love is in there somewhere being held prisoner? How hard it is to talk to you and see you knowing that even if I hug you or kiss you it won't be the same damn it! I can't get close to the Initiates and you're a prisoner to Tranquility. Can't you just let go and be with me for one day? Can't you just give in to the feelings inside?"

The truth seems easiest here, "The power and feelings are connected. It is difficult to extract them from one another and I am concerned that if I feel I might give away the secret. A secret mind you that I still believe could have devastating effects on the Chantry, on Tranquility, on Templar and mages basically your entire world."

She sighs saying, "The same argument again and still no change. Well I guess I'll give you what you need and we'll go back to the way things were. All I can do is hope that someday you'll change your mind."

"Thank you Bethany." I say even as she moves close and hugs me tight. "I love you Elsa and even like this I guess I'll stay at your side. With the hope that someday you'll open up all the way."

I nod, "I understand and when I can feel I believe that some part of me shares your feelings."

She smiles and pushes me away tears in her eyes. "That's all I need to know."

I depart with the knowledge that next time there are any Harrowings at the very least I will be able to prevent Templars from smiting the Initiates beforehand.

 **933 Dragon, Nubulis 18** **th**

Candith Reynolds spoke to me at practice in the cellars today saying she will undergo her Harrowing when she becomes 16.

 **933 Dragon, Eluviesta 6** **th**

I provided a new staff to Initiate Candith for her 16th birthday. She smiled and took it in hand letting me know she would be happy to bring it with her in three days when she goes to her Harrowing.

 **933 Dragon, Eluviesta 9** **th**

I sat on a step I had created. It was part of a stairway down from the roof and in front of the hallway to the Harrowing chamber. I watched through the window my power waiting inside to trip yet another Templar who dared to interfere with an already difficult trial.

This time I recognized the Templar from last time. It was Ser Willace a 23 year old male human with brown hair. I watched him stand there and froze the metal of his arms to his sides. When Candith passed he attempted to smite her, but with his arms frozen to his sides he failed.

The Silver haired human passed the last set of Templar and I saw one of the pair begin to move, but my power was faster. Perhaps my rage was as well though because instead of tripping him a spike shot into his foot and he screamed in pain. Candith jumped as he screamed and then just walked through the door.

The other Templar came to his aid, but by the time they looked there was nothing to see at least until he pulled his boot off and showed him his bloody foot. Even then there was no evidence that I or the young Initiate caused it.

My emotions were a paroxysm of glee and anger. It took the entire walk back up to the roof and to the cellar before I had them under control again. I suspect a few classes and hallways were colder for my passing because of that. I did manage to get everything under control though and once again Tranquil was the order of the day.

By the time I learned that Candith had not survived her Harrowing despite my efforts I had little in the way of emotions to feel the blow. Even so I know that the next time I use my powers, and there will be one, that is when I will cry. I have procured a handkerchief knowing that I will need it.

 **933 Dragon, Eluviesta 27** **th**

Lenora Kirkson became 15 today. The young black haired human had not ever heard of a celebration of birth and so when I came to her room with a cake and presents she was quite surprised. I simply explained that I performed this service to every initiate under my care because it is part of caring for people.

"I don't get it I thought Tranquil didn't have feelings?"

"Tranquil do not, however my duties towards Initiates is to care for them. Thus I am required to present a social front as if I had feelings. Basically consider this to be part of my duty to care for you."

"Yeah, but doesn't care imply a feeling?"

"In general yes, but as I said in this case it is a social contract. I simply perform functions that are the same as any other who might actually have these feelings."

She laughed, "You are a bit different aren't you?"

"So I have been told on many occasions."

 **933 Dragon, Molioris 15** **th**

Ser Thrask, Mage Grace and Mage Alain kidnapped Bethany as part of a plot to depose Knight Commander Meredith Stannard. Bethany Hawk was rescued by her sister, Penelope Hawke, The Champion of Kirkwall. Ser Thrask and Mage Grace were killed and Mage Alain was spared by Penelope Hawk as well as Knight Captain Cullen.

This incident was not helpful to the situation here in the Circle. The young mages and Initiates continue to be very upset with their lot here and the older mages have become upset as well. Restrictions and rules have become more rigid by the day with Templars using their powers to hunt out any form of magic they can detect that is not cast during sanctioned periods.

I said as much to Bethany Hawke when she visited me this evening. I recall that she shook her head saying, "How can you talk about this so coldly, these are my friends and my students. These are people you've given presents and baked treats for. Can't you summon up a little emotion for them?

"I am Tranquil Bethany." She shook her head at my answer and said, "I think that's what you want to be Elsa and I guess I understand. With the world the way it is it would be a lot easier to close down and just react with logic."

"I am pleased that you understand Bethany."

She rubs her forehead and shakes her head. "Goodnight Elsa. You drive me crazy, but goodnight and hey I'll be coming to visit you more often okay?"

She had ceased to come visit me at evenings, but so had young Fialla so I did not really notice as much as I might have were I to discard my Tranquility and access my power. "That is acceptable." I replied even as she was leaving.

 **933 Dragon, Solis 10** **th**

Bethany has been coming to visit me once a week ever since her kidnapping. Often she will sit and stare at me saying nothing. I do not mind the long silence and feel no need to fill it with words. It seems easy to just sit quietly and be in the same room. I almost wonder what it would feel like, but I put that thought away.

The feelings only need to be around when I am accessing my power. There is no reason to access them while sitting in my room with Bethany and doing nothing.

 **933 Dragon, Matrinalis 9** **th**

I did take time out to have small celebrations with Kevin East for his 16th birthday today. He mentioned attempting a Harrowing, but listened to me when I suggested that he wait another few years.

 **933 Dragon, Matrinalis 14** **th**

Mage Erunder visited my room this evening. I opened at his knock and he barged right in saying, "Here I can feel the source here." Above his hand was a floating arrow of blood and it was pointed directly at me.

He looked around me and then looked back at his arrow as he moved. The arrow continued to point at me and he dismissed it. The blood fell into the palm of his hand and he wiped it aside saying, "You, Tranquil. I have an experiment I wish to try."

"It is a bit late Mage Erunder, perhaps we can do this another day?"

He shook his head, "No, this is important. I need some of your blood." I shook my head at this request and replied, "No thank you. I enjoy assisting, but do not feel my blood should be taken from me."

At my response he just pushed me to a wall and pressed a dagger into my shoulder. "It's not really a request Tranquil. I'll just cut a bit it won't hurt . . . much."

It was too fast to feel anything or to begin calling for magic. The dagger bit into my flesh and a crimson line of my blood began to flow from my shoulder. His eyes went wide with glee as my blood slipped down my shoulder and I felt a pull.

Suddenly the magic was exploding from me. There was a brilliant white flash and a small crackle pop then a large sort of boom. When my eyes cleared he was gone or at least I thought he was and the room was covered in a mess of fine dust and particles. Clearly he wasn't gone, just turned into this mess in my room. The only thing that seemed to even resemble things he had were the bits of metal which I believe came from his knife.

The pain and loss from Candith Reynolds death at her harrowing poured through me like a knife even as I wrestled with anger at Mage Erunder and disgust at what was left of him. I cleaned up the bits and took a hard rein on my emotions and my power pushing both deep where they needed to be and covering myself with my blanket of Tranquility.

When I was finished cleaning I had about sixty pounds of very dry refuse and an assortment of shattered metal. The metal was his weapon I supposed, but the rest It wasn't even recognizable as a human at all. I put almost all of it into one of the sacks we use to carry refuse and brought it to the middens. The rest I put into a flask to examine later.

Once I completed those tasks I sat on my bed looking at the small scab on my shoulder trying to piece together just what had occurred. I hadn't felt any emotions and I hadn't even tried to draw on my magic it had all happened too fast. Blood, explosion, done it happened in mere moments. I had considered before that my power might be Blood magic in some way but I hadn't really tested that theory. After all when I needed to use it I didn't need to bleed.

However, now with this new evidence it seemed very clear to me now that my power was indeed some type of Blood Magic. Unlike whatever type of Blood Magic Mage Erunder was using mine was much more powerful. I was thinking that mine is not as easy to control, however I have no idea how easy normal Blood Magic is to control. Considering that many Blood Mages become possessed abominations clearly it has a great measure of difficultly.

Added to my thoughts is that my magic was calling to users of Blood Magic and they could track me down. I moved to my door and locked it tight. Then I realized such a simple action would not really help the situation. Unfortunately it will have to do for this evening. Tomorrow I will speak with Bethany and ask if she has any ideas.

 **933 Dragon, Matrinalis 15** **th**

This morning I woke early and went to speak with Bethany. "Bethany," I spoke, after knocking, "There was an incident last evening that I must speak with you about."

It took a short tie and a bit more knocking before she finally opened her door wearing a night shift that came just below her rear. Her skin was pebbled with Goosebumps and her nipples were stiff indicating she was cold. "Elsa? What is it? Do you know what time it is?"

"It is five in the morning. I have two hours before I must begin assisting initiates with their practice in the cellars." Her brown eyes stared into mine, "Right come in then."

I entered her room and she closed the door behind me, "What could possibly be so important Elsa?"

"Blood Magic." Her eyes opened wide and she gasped, "What do you mean?"

I sighed softly and spoke, "I believe that I was a Blood Mage, that my magical power is in fact Blood Magic."

She shook her head slowly, "No, you never used your blood I would have noticed in the city I mean really with the giant walls of ice and all you'd have to bleed pretty profusely to make those right? Besides I thought you had stopped using your magic."

I nodded my head as I spoke she had an excellent point, "Mostly I have stopped using my magic and perhaps you are correct. Even so it seems that my power draws blood mages to me. Mage Erunder came to my quarters last evening and attempted to use my powers."

"Wait slow down and have a seat, then start from the beginning." She escorted me to a chair in her room and sat next to me as I told her everything that had happened last evening and my thoughts about my magic.

When I was done she shook her head, "Wait, blood magic requires that the user actually draw blood to use it or at least I think it does. There aren't exactly any treatises on the use of Blood Magic here." She sighed and put a hand on my back. "Look I understand your fear here. You worry that other mages will attempt what Erunder did and get themselves killed."

"I cannot be afraid, but it was somewhat disturbing to collect the remains." I could remember being disgusted, but at the same time couldn't feel disgusted. I suspect something in the way I calmly discussed gathering remains mad Bethany shivered as she said, "Right and you said that you kept some after Ereunder exploded?"

"I thought it prudent to keep it. This way I can examine these remains and attempt to determine what happened." She stared at me after I said that and replied, "That's some pretty cold logic there Elsa."

"Thank you." She was laughing after I thanked her. "Well don't thank me yet, because I think you should stay in my room with me from now on. This way any mages who are using Blood Magic will have to deal with two people instead of one Tranquil. Hopefully that will keep them away."

I pondered her words for a few moments saying, "The logic is sound, however the walk from the Healing Center to your room would violate curfew. So, I must decline the offer."

"Well I could stay with you I suppose."

I shake my head, "My room fits a bed, a lamp, pictures drawn by initiates and three outfits. I do not think it would fit anything else beyond these objects."

She sighed and then nodded her head saying, "Well I don't have any other ideas right now, but please be careful and if a strange mage comes to your room at night don't let them in."

An order from Bethany doesn't technically rate higher than one from other mages, but in this case I would accept it as such. "Thank you Bethany I will remember that and see you in class later."

I departed to assist the initiates on my schedule and saw Bethany in class later in the day. After class was over I went to the Healing Center.

 **933 Dragon, Matrinalis 23** **rd**

I did examine what was left of Erunder and done some research. It seems there is a phenomenon when metal becomes cold that it becomes very brittle, this is what happened to his dagger. His body was frozen solid and it became brittle as well. With something that cold and brittle it would not have taken much to shatter it much like the Qunari in the Alienage. The reason the substance was dry though is that all the ice left in the shattered pieces sublimated.

My power did that in a powerful rush beyond anything I have felt before. It escaped from my control though not because of fear, I was not afraid. No, it escaped through my blood. As I was thinking about that my memory shuddered and I could see myself as a young girl and a large stone man is talking about my powers. I've remembered this before, just not so much of it. Really just the end when he says, "Fear is the enemy."

Now at least I am sure I was born with the power. I assume the adults speaking to the troll were my mother and father and the young girl was clearly labeled in my mind as my sister. The same sister that I had killed with my powers and the one I see as an ice statue being cleaved by a sword. I think I had hurt her and the rock person healed her that time and then gave an explanation about my powers.

Even so there was no mention of my blood. I would think that if it had been important he would have mentioned it. He didn't mention it so I was left with two options. The first was that the rock man didn't know that my blood could do that. The second option was that the world where I came from, where I was a Queen and my powers killed my sister, that world didn't have blood magic.

Either way it didn't really matter, except as a curiosity, what mattered here was that I had streaming energy inside me that also rushed through my veins. I would have to take extra care about avoiding cuts and scrapes.

 **933 Dragon, Parvulis 3** **rd**

When I came to the Healing Center this evening Healer Nymeria was sobbing. "What is wrong Nymeria?"

She moved to me and engulfed me in a hug. I remembered to place my arms around the shorter silver haired elven woman even as she sobbed into my shoulder. "Was there an emergency and a patient passed?"

Nymeria has cried before when we lost a patient, but it was no quite this much. Still that was the only circumstance that had made her cry. She shook her head and pulled away giving me a small smile one that I returned. "Thank you Elsa, if you were someone else I might try and soften this or perhaps not." She looked at me her green eyes leaking tears, "Healer Allaste died in her sleep sometime in the evening."

"Oh," I will feel this sometime later I am sure. Allaste taught me many things during my time assisting at the Healing Center. Her presence will be missed and that is exactly what I say to Nymeria. The elven woman nods, "She reminded me of a grandmother and of Starkhaven's circle. A time before I came here and had to deal with Kirkwall and Knight Commander Meredith. Now she's gone and this place is still here. Every day it just gets worse, the tension and rules and hate on both sides grows like a festering sore."

I look at her and say, "I know, but I have no solution. I feel like logically there should be one, yet no research or study has helped me find one."

She put her hand on my shoulder, "No, I don't think there would be Elsa. Much as a lot of mages look down on the Tranquil or fear it you have something we don't an ability to look at it all dispassionately."

I nod and say, "Would you like me to prepare her for the burial?"

"Yes, please and I'll go tell Orsino. We'll have the funeral soon I'm sure."

I prepared the body of Allaste, washing her and putting her in her favorite outfit, then laid her into a casket. The funeral will be tomorrow.

 **933 Dragon, Parvulis 4** **th**

Everyone attended the funeral and many people cried during the ceremony. If there were more for Healer Allaste than there were for initiates under my care I understood. The Healer touched just that many more lives.

 **933 Dragon, Parvulis 17** **th**

We have been very busy in the Healing Center with many bruises and cuts as well. Healer Nymeria has requested that I stay on full time at the Healing Center and help train the Mage who will be assisting the two of us. So far no one has applied for the open position though. When I mentioned that to Nymeria she said, "Perhaps you could suggest it to some of your Initiates?"

It was a good idea that I plan to put into motion tomorrow. In the meantime I still need to head to

See Rhialla Whist for her 17th birthday. Along with the cake perhaps she will be interested in a position here in the Healing Center.

 **933 Dragon, Parvulis 20** **th**

Mage Rhialla Whist will be assisting us in the healing center along with Initiate Fialla Falavahn. The two young ladies seem diligent and happy to learn potion making, healing techniques, skills, and spells

 **933 Dragon, Parvulis 24** **th**

Bethany stopped in the healing center today. "Nymeria it seems you've taken my classroom assistant and my most promising Initiate for your evil schemes."

Nymeria chuckled and said, "I needed the help Bethany and thank you. I hope they gave you another assistant."

Bethany moved close to my side and said, "Yes, but no one could ever replace Elsa in my heart."

Nymeria chuckled thinking it was a joke. I just looked at her and said, "I will see more Initiates and mages here. Logically I should help the most people."

"I know Elsa, just try not to bake and give presents to every Initiate in the circle okay?"

I nod, "The Tranquil in your class group should take care of that now. The same should be true of the other class groups."

Nymeria called out, "Enough chatting with the Healers Bethany. Elsa still needs to show these two other ladies how to brew anti-venom for the local snakes and spiders.

"Okay, okay I'm going." She headed out, but I did see her later in the evening when she came to visit my room. Mostly we sat in congenial silence.

 **933 Dragon, Frumentum 7** **th**

I had to remind myself not to see to Ephallia M'thenn's 15th birthday. The task of celebrating has been delegated to the Tranquil who assists that class group now. My duties are here in the Healing Center especially now that we are training an assistant healer and a potential assistant healer.

 **933 Dragon, Frumentum 12** **th**

I went out to my spot for another Harrowing today. This time I didn't even really need to look as I simply used my powers to keep every Templar in the hallway stuck with their arms at their side. I learned later that Initiate Roland had survived to become mage Roland. I didn't personally know the young human of 18, but it still seemed the best course of action to ensure that I did everything I could to help him survive his Harrowing.

If nothing else it is part of the purpose of Tranquil here in the Circle. We are here to help the mages.

 **933 Dragon, Frumentum 13** **th**

Mage Roland came in to the Healing Center with a poorly bandaged cut on his arm. The cut was infected and he had a high fever. When I examined him more I found other signs that he had been cutting himself with a sharp blade.

When he wakes up we will have to determine the cause of his need to cut himself.

 **933 Dragon, Frumentum 15** **th**

Mage Roland said nothing of his predilection for cutting himself. No matter which of us healers request the information. That left us with no option except to let him depart the Healing center today. It was either that or turn him in to the Templars for suspected Blood Magic and since the second option could potentially mean his life we were left with allowing him to leave.

Nymeria did take time to converse with him alone about the dangers of Blood Magic. Whether, or not, it will help anything is unknown.

 **933 Dragon, Umbralis 8th**

Mage Roland came to the Healing Center early this morning. We had three Initiates in due to sickness and a mage in with a fractured leg. With Mage Roland were three older Initiates I did not know. I moved to the group saying, "Can we assist you?"

"Yeah we need Blood. Well more specifically your blood." He moved towards me with a dagger as his companions grabbed my arms. I had no time to spare for readying myself so I simply pulled up my power and along with it, as always, came the emotions. In this situation it was disappointment and regret. Regret for what I was about to do and disappointment that my assistance for Mage Roland with his Harrowing was ill spent on such a horrible young man.

As those feelings washed over me I pushed the power into three large chunks of ice. Two hit the Initiates grabbing me sending them to the ground. The third smashed into Roland and sent him flying across the room.

I sublimated the ice as I surveyed the scene. All three attackers were on the ground and none seemed to be moving. Nymeria, Fialla, and Rhialla all rushed to their and I dealt with the rush of satisfaction filling my body and a wide smile forming on my lips. None of the patients had seen what happened and the three attackers would end up being dealt with by the Templars.

My smile fled my face and I sighed. I can't even describe the feeling that went through me next. It's hard enough with the less complex emotions and I write these entries after they have happened. Suffice it to say it was some mixture of disgust, anger, despondence, and annoyance. I was able to push it down and my powers as well though and by the time I was assisting with the unconscious mages my mind was Tranquil again. "What do we do with these three other than our current tying them to these beds?"

Each was tied in a bed in one of the Healing Center's cells. The cells were there from when the circle had been a prison and healers had to work with criminals if there even were healers. The other cells had long ago been knocked down and the rest of the center made to look more inviting, but there were still a few cells left.

Nymeria spoke first saying, "I am less concerned about them that I am you Elsa. You are Tranquil yes?"

Fialla spoke up then, "She underwent the Rite of Tranquility in 926 Dragon. She arrived at the Circle an unknown apostate and simply requested the Rite of Tranquility."

Rhialla Whist butted in, "Yeah okay, but she just pulled chunks of ice out of the air and threw them at these three. I can do an Ice blast, but that I've never seen anything like it." The conversation became muddled and confused.

"Hold!" I spoke loudly and the three women looked to me. "I will attempt to explain though we should gather Bethany and then speak in a more secluded area." The very last was said pointing at our unconscious charges. "We should also determine what we will do with them."

Bethany came to the Healing Center and we all went to Nymeria's office. There I began, "I have little memory of my past, but I know a few things. I was born with this power inside me; I had parents and a sister. I killed my sister with my powers and then watched as a man with a sword shattered her icy form."

I took a breath and continued. "I do not know how I arrived in your world, but I do know that after I arrived and found out about mages I came here to the Kirkwall Circle. I immediately requested the Rite of Tranquility and it was granted. After it was over I could not feel or dream and I had no knowledge of my past at all. This power had nothing to do with the fade or Tranquility. It may, however, have a connection to Blood Magic."

Nymeria broke the silence, "How powerful is this power?"

"I am unsure of its limits. I have not tested them, however in an incident some years ago I put up about 24 walls of ice that I held in position against Qunari attackers even as I was also fighting." Rhialla and Nymeria stared at me the younger of the women had an open jaw. Fialla and Bethany just nodded.

"She's still Tranquil too." Bethany spoke. "Just something about her power when it's used pierces through the Tranquility and fills her with emotions. When she's not using the power though it all goes away right?"

I nodded, "That is basically accurate."

Nymeria took a few minutes before she spoke again, "So you and Fialla knew all of this, but you've never said anything?"

Bethany pointed at me, "She requested that. She thinks it's not safe or maybe just doesn't know what sort of chaos she'd create in our world considering her powers and that she's a Tranquil who isn't. Information like that is pretty world changing."

Rhialla laughed, "Good thing the other patients didn't see. Even so it still leaves us with our three prisoners."

Nymeria frowned at that then said, "I think we just tell the Templar they are Blood Mages and came here seeking other people's blood."

I nodded, "Indeed I was somewhat concerned about their fate when my powers filled me, but that is no longer a factor. The Initiates will most likely just get some more time in other cells."

It was agreed and Templar took statements from us, then later in the day the attackers were sent to other accommodations to await trial.

 **933 Dragon, Umbralis 12** **th**

Mage Roland was tried and convicted of being a blood mage. He was hung in the gallows. His two conspirators were tried and given the option of Tranquility. Neither took it and they were hung as well.

 **933 Dragon, Cassus 3** **rd**

Ten Templar were in the healing center today. Apparently a boulder had found a way to roll across the docks in order to slam into them. I set bones and gave out potions while the other ladies worked with magic. The Templars were healed, but it would take time before they left the Heling Center.

In the meantime an inquest into the accident was begun in the city.


	9. Chapter 9

**934 Dragon, Verimensis 24** **th**

It has been exceedingly busy in the Healing Center. A disease has run rampant through the circle and it has taken all of our efforts to get a handle on it. Unfortunately three mages, ten initiates, and five Templars did not survive the disease.

Bethany came to assist us at the Healing Center and has stayed on as an additional Healer. An Enchanter has replaced her in her class however she asked Nymeria to teach a class here in the Healing Center which was basically what she was doing for Fialla anyway. The Class Consists of Fialla Falavahn, Lucy Interswin, Lenora Kirkson, and Amberlee Hanaras.

 **934 Dragon, Nubulis 19** **th**

All this month the population of The Circle has grown. Knight Captain Meredith Stannard continues to stand in for the Regent of Kirkwall and she has sent patrols through the city and surrounding countryside to round up any mages. Any who are found to have escaped from this Circle have been made Tranquil, killed, or imprisoned here in a cell.

So far we now have seven additional Tranquil and another ten initiates under thirteen and three who are almost twenty. We also have four people who cannot seem to cast any magic at all. I do not think they are actually mages.

 **934 Dragon, Nubulis 24** **th**

Over the last few days I have ensured that the three initiates over 20 were able to have a Harrowing without having a Templar Smite them. Two of the three survived the experience Reginald Reyes and George Marcus. The third Leah Hallakin did not survive.

There seems to be little we could do to help mages like Leah. Demons are drawn to mages in the fade because their power represents an exit into this world. The demon takes over the mage and the mage becomes an abomination. For an unknown reason once a demon possessed abomination is created, it will summon demons from the fade and attempt to try to create more abominations. The possession is not physical, the demon is still in the Fade, but so is the mage's spirit, and the demon is able to control the body through that captive spirit like a puppet. The demon channels its power through the body, sees through the mage's eyes and is able to use magic in ways the mage would have never imagined.

After writing all of that I do admit that if I currently had feelings I think I would be somewhat frightened. There is no defense against it except to defeat the demons at your first Harrowing. Bethany says that once you do that it is like you have a shield in the fade. It's too bad we can't go into the fade with young mages and show them how. I suggested it to Bethany, but she's not sure how it would be accomplished either.

 **934 Dragon, Eluviesta 8** **th**

We've gained a Templar guard here in the healing Center. Apparently they must watch over every class and the healing classes are no different. Nymeria nodded at the explanation and then said, "Well come in and take off your armor, I want to show the students something and you can be my example Ser Thenrick."

"I'm ahh not supposed to be involved in the teaching, just watching to ensure no Blood Magic or anti-chantry teachings are going on." The man's face was red.

"There's going to be blood sometimes Ser Thenrick, I haven't started with dissections, but we'll need to get there sooner or later. Otherwise they won't be able to heal you correctly. Do you know how healing magic even works?"

"No ma'am, but my orders are to stand guard and watch for what I said."

She shook her head and went to an area in the back, she came out with a rabbit and began skinning it. "Okay here we have muscle groups in our rabbit." She began pointing them out and explaining how healing magic could heal them and put them back together. As she was doing so blood oozed from the Rabbit. She then looked to the watching Templar, "Tell me Ser Thenrick is this Blood Magic or not?"

"Ahhm not? Blood Magic is when you cut yourself and use your own blood."

"If you say so Ser Thenrick." She continued the lesson, but the Templar was decidedly not watching.

 **934 Dragon, Eluviesta 14** **th**

We had an assortment of Templar come through the Healing Center. I didn't remember having so many different ones come through Bethany's class, but somehow it seemed that Nymeria's class was different. I am relatively sure the elven healer was somehow purposefully getting them to wish to leave.

The process was fascinating to watch. First she'd ask them to participate and then she would move on to a host of varied subjects. Each subject she watched the Templar's face and at some point she would stop and exclusively talk about one of the topics at further length. I believe she was reading distaste about that topic in their faces.

 **934 Dragon, Eluviesta 23** **rd**

We finally seem to have stuck with a single Templar. Dame Eranelle was more than happy to be a demonstration for us. This clearly pleased Nymeria and as such our class has been going on with the blond Templar's assistance for a few days now.

 **934 Dragon, Molioris 1** **st**

Bethany was imprisoned today for simply saying things were bad under Knight Captain Meredith. She had said this at lunch and a Templar heard the words. He determined them to be heretical teachings and she will be jailed for thirty days.

After Bethany's Imprisonment First Enchanter Orsino came to the Healing Center and began asking questions. Some were about the Mages Underground and when he got nowhere with that he frowned and spoke to me saying, "Have you seen Enchanter Bethany using blood magic?"

"No sir I have not. In fact I would say that she believes such magic should not be used." His face quirked strangely as he replied, "Hmm is that so? I wonder . . ."

"Wonder what sir?" He shook his head, "Nothing it isn't important. Please do not tell anyone that I was here. Not even me." He was gone even as I agreed to his strange request.

He returned with three Templars later. The men searched through the room quite thoroughly and then began asking me questions. Once again all of the questions dealt with Heretical teachings and Blood Magic. I explained that Bethany was not involved with either thing as far as I knew.

The Templars and Orsino left the room and I was left alone and told that no one was allowed to see Bethany until her thirty days were over. It was disappointing to hear since I did appreciate our conversations.

 **934 Dragon, Molioris 15** **th**

Bethany's sentence is halfway done today although some other Enchanters have also been put in prison here for the same thing. Classes for the young mages have been very disturbed due to these imprisonments and some Mages who were not previously Enchanters have begun teaching those classes at least until the Enchanters return.

We have gained another four initiates and three tranquil. The images are ages 17, 14, 12, and 10 years of age. The Tranquil were former mages of the circle who had previously escaped. They and every other Tranquil, including myself were brought down to the great hall. There Knight Commander Meredith Stannard spoke to every resident of the tower, "This is the price you pay for attempting escape, this is what happens to those to weak or timid to complete their harrowing. This is your future unless you all start following the rules and orders that have been given. There will be no more Mage's Underground, there will be no more talk of escape or better times. You will obey the rules set forth by Andraste herself."

She left and many of the younger mages began to weep. The entire situation continues to be wrong on numerous levels. I worked a way to assist mages for their Harrowing I should be able to find one to begin helping this situation in some way. I just need to find the smallest piece and start there.

 **934 Dragon, Ferventis 2** **nd**

Bethany was released yesterday evening. I met her in her room and said, "I am sorry I could not see you, I felt that attempting to do so might increase your sentence."

She did not speak to me, instead she wrapped her arms around me and sat in her bed holding me close until she fell asleep. I could not return to my room to sleep on my own cot this way, so I simply lay down with Bethany and slept until morning. When she woke she said, "Thank you Elsa, thank you for being here through all of this."

I looked at her and said, "You are welcome."

She walked to the window, "Things are bad Elsa and I think they are just going to get worse. I think about leaving all the time, but where would that leave you or my students? What if I was caught . . ." She shook her head and stared some more.

"I have to be in the healing office soon. I would like to have answers to your questions, but I do not. I apologize, but will look into the problem."

I walked out even as she said, "Yeah research ways to change Meredith's mind would you?"

 **934 Dragon, Solis 4** **th**

Enchanter Melida Hawthorne sat next to me in the library. She is a brown haired human woman who is almost six foot tall and has brown eyes. I was reading an old tome as she spoke, "What are you reading Tranquil?"

I looked at her and said, "Elsa is my name Enchanter Melida and I am reading up on ways to change Knight Captain Meredith Stannard's mind."

"Well Elsa, that's magic in there. I doubt you can use it." I nodded, "Tranquil cannot cast magic. However, if I find something that could be of use I will inform someone who can."

"Yeah, you do that." She laughed and departed the library. I continued to read although I doubted I would actually find anything to help in this situation the book did have some esoteric healing practices.

 **934 Dragon, Solis 17** **th**

Enchanter Melida sat next to me in the library again. "There's something about you Tranquil. I keep staring at you as you read watching you. You're so very pretty."

"I do not know how to respond to that. My attractiveness is of little concern to me." She laughed and put her hand on my cheek to tilt my head towards her. Her face came very close to mine and then her lips pressed against mine.

It was warm and wet and then it was over. She sighed softly saying, "Damn and you're so pretty too. If only you weren't Tranquil this might have been fun, however as it is I might as well have kissed a dog."

I believe I ought to have been offended by this comparison and yet I did not feel anything of the sort. "I am not interested in matters such as kissing and the like. My apologies."

"No I'm sorry Elsa, I shouldn't have done that. Not when you can't return the affections."

She was gone. I did take the time this evening to mention the incident to Bethany who found it less humorous saying, "She'd better keep her lips to herself from now on."

Those brown eyes stared into my own with some sort of emotion making them quiver. Then she pulled me into her bed saying, "Come on let's get some sleep."

 **934 Dragon, Matrinalis 3** **rd**

Enchanter Melida came to the healing center today. She watched our healing classes and then when they were over came to talk with me. "They let you teach classes do they?"

"Yes, I am assisting Nymeria she says I can keep the knowledge from the books in my head even better than she can." Melida nodded and then said, "What were you like before you became Tranquil?"

"I cannot recall." I lied, but her behavior was suspicious towards me. Logically I had no reason to trust her with information about my past, so I lied.

"Right well I'm going to talk to Nymeria now."

"As you desire." I said and went over to a young mage who was convalescing from breaking his arm in a climbing accident.

Nymeria spoke to me later saying, "Enchanter Melida wanted to have you as her teaching assistant. I didn't get a view of her arms, but something about her makes me very suspicious. I told her that you were plenty busy in here with all the accidents and injuries lately."

"Thank you Nymeria."

"No need to thank me Elsa, I think we both know it's better to keep you here in the Healing Center where everyone knows and can cover for any shall we say accidents?"

I agreed, with Nymeria, Bethany, Rhialla and Fialla knowing the secret of my powers any one of them could say they were the one who used Ice magic.

 **934 Dragon, Parvulis 8** **th**

Ten mages have been returned to the circle today. Many of them former escapees and thus they have been placed in cells for at least three months each. No one except for Templar guards may visit them.

Mage Fern was in the Healing Center today with a fractured rib. He says it was an accident, but the blow looks like it came from a fist. When I mentioned the returning mages he said, "They need to learn, you know the Templar are our friends and they don't want to hurt us. If we'd just be good they wouldn't have to."

I didn't know what to make of his words so I just said, "I understand you. Now try not to lie on your left side and tomorrow Healer Bethany or Nymeria will use some magic to mend that rib a bit more."

Nymeria later said, "He's brown haired and in his late twenties?"

I nodded and she replied, "Yes, I've heard rumors that he's in a secret relationship with one of the Templars. If so then I guess his relationship is abusive."

"Why do you say that?" I questioned and she answered me, "Because any other mage would say a Templar hit them Fern said he fell and yet the bruise looked just like a fist. He's covering for his lover."

"That seems to be a bad idea."

"That's what happens when love is involved."

I looked at her and then said, "Do you think Knight Commander Meredith loves us then?"

She laughed, "Andraste no. She's afraid of us and fear makes her put all those rules down and when we disobey or escape it just proves her fears to be correct."

"I tried researching a way to change her mind, but there was no magic and it seems First Enchanter Orsino has tried diplomacy." She put a hand on my arm, "I think this isn't a problem logic can solve."

I nodded, "That's unfortunate."

"I know and I even considered taking your powers in mind Elsa. But, that would just make things worse I think."

"Yes I believe so as well."

I sat there with the elven healer for a long time before we went our separate ways on other tasks.

 **934 Dragon, Frumentum 13** **th**

I seem to have lost track of the number of mages we gained and lost since my last entry. For a number of weeks mages would escape from their cells and be returned to the Circle. It happened over and over so much so that Amberlee Hanaras was saying that the doors may as well revolve.

Over the last week the escapes have not occurred and so in the past few days I have been re-counting the numbers of mages and Initiates in the circle.

First Enchanter – Orsino

Enchanters – 48

Healers – 3 (Nymeria, Bethany, Rhialla plus initiates and myself)

Mages in Residence – 57 (With 12 Tranquil care takers)

Initiates – 132

Tranquil – 50 (23 are what I consider Tranquil+)

Many of the Enchanters I spoke to when counting initiates mentioned that they felt some of their initiates were not mages. It took some time, but working from there I found that at least ten of the initiates seem to have no magic potential.

 **934 Dragon, Frumentum 15** **th**

Our group, by which I mean those who know my secret and, I felt it best that I not bring attention to myself so Bethany took my list of mages with no magical potential to First Enchanter Orsino today. The First Enchanter will bring the list to Knight Captain Cullen who will then present it to Knight Commander Meredith.

 **934 Dragon, Frumentum 30** **th**

The ten initiates who seem to have no magical potential will be staying in the Circle for another four years. They will attend classes and if at the end of four years they continue to show no potential they will be allowed to return to their families.

 **934 Dragon, Umbralis 4** **th**

There were four of us in Nymeria' s office Nymeria, Fialla, Bethany, Rhialla and I. Rhialla spoke first saying, "More Mages have been coming in without any hurt or sickness lately. I've noticed that they all take a high notice of Elsa."

Nymeria frowned and pushed some of her silvering hair over her pointed ear. "So we think her power calls to Blood Magic users. It makes sense that they would be snooping around even after the last bunch were knocked out and one was hung at the gallows."

I nodded and said, "Two initiates were there and although they are still in cells they may have been part of a group that escaped or people may have spoken to them."

Rhialla sighed, "So basically your secret might be out in some circles."

We all looked at each other and agreed. Bethany spoke up saying, "I still have some contacts I could take her and flee."

Nymeria shook her head, "No too dangerous for you both. Especially if she decided the best course of action to avoid capture was using her powers." She looked at me and I nodded in agreement with her assessment.

Fialla pushed a hand through her short cropped black hair and frowned, "The last group came when we had injured people in the Healing Center. Could we put Elsa away . . ." She stopped herself and then looked down, "Wow I sound like regular people must when talking about Mages. Put her away to keep her safe. Should I add Templars and more ugh . . ."

Nymeria nodded, "No easy solutions and it is somewhat easy to understand why Circles were first created. A place to keep mages safe and the populace. It's just turned out that here in Kirkwall we're more like prisoners than people learning to control our power."

Bethany looked at me saying, "That leaves us back where we are."

I nodded slowly, "Indeed, but we are once again in a difficult situation. If we could know who the blood mages are we could keep a better eye on them. Perhaps we should start a list of mages that come in under suspicious circumstances?"

That was another agreed upon point and then we decided to play a game of cards called wicked grace. The evening turned out to be useful and if the group's feelings were taken into account it was fun.

 **934 Dragon, Cassus 3** **rd**

We have given our project a month during which we have also been busy with healing. I also assisted with two Harrowing attempts both of which ended up with the Mages in question surviving. They were Mage Xana Kell and Mage Damien Johnson.

The list of possible Blood Mages is as follows:

Mage Melida – Female human, six foot with brown hair and brown eyes approximately 34

Mage Ivan - Male human , five foot with brown hair and brown eyes. Keeps a beard and mustache 25

Mage Lucious – Male human, six foot two inches with silver hair and blue eyes probably in his 40's

Mage Kevin Hill – Male human, 5' 11" with blond hair and brown eyes in his mid-twenties

Mage Steven Smith – Male city elf, 5' 7" with brown hair and brown eyes shaved bald in his mid-twenties

No other mages have visited more than once with excuses that seems to not hold up under later scrutiny. This does not mean that we have found all of the Blood Mages, just the ones that seem to be interested in me.

We will keep a close eye on them when they visit in the future. There is no consensus on turning them in for use of Blood Magic simply because such an accusation would basically be a death sentence. It makes little sense to kill these people simply because they have been acting suspicious.

 **935 Dragon, Verimensis 2** **nd**

When looking out for one thing it can be difficult to spot another. I say this only because this is exactly what happened to our group. Templar came into the Healing Center in a large group. They took the Initiates from their training and then brought everyone in for questioning.

I sat with Ser Thrask answering various renditions of the same questions. Did any of the Healers practice Blood Magic? Had I seen anything that was not normal in healing? Did I think it was possible one of the healers was secretly a blood mage? After answering no to these questions for hours on end I was sent back to the Healing Center. There I went to work on fixing the large mess left behind.

At the time of this diary entry none of the other Healers has returned. I did take care of a young Initiate who came in missing his ear. The young man will have a scar, but I was able to stitch it back together.

 **935 Dragon, Verimensis 3** **rd**

I was looking over a young Initiate with a stomach ache who was resting in bed. Her name is Celeste and she is eight years old, human, and has blonde hair and blue eyes. I am relatively sure the description adorable would also be appropriate here. Enchanter Melida and four of her Initiates came into the Healing Center today and moved directly to the young girl. I began moving towards them saying, "Please do not disturb the patients."

One of the Initiates a male with dyed green hair and brown eyes pulled a dagger and placed it next to Celeste's throat. That was when Melida said, "You'll please come with us and she will not be harmed."

Was I fast enough with my power that the green haired young man wouldn't be able to kill the young girl? I wasn't sure and so the best option seemed to be agreement. The group minus their green haired comrade, who was left behind, brought me into the cellars. I went with them noting that the Initiates were: Elgar a male Dalish elf of sixteen, Rin a male human of fourteen, and Esmee a female human of fifteen. I greeted each by name as we went down to the basement.

Once we reached the basement I was pushed into a large chair with metal binders at the arms and legs. These binders were closed and Enchanter Melida spoke. "I wondered why I was so drawn to you Elsa. What could a boring Tranquil possibly have to interest me?"

I didn't think she wanted a response so I stayed silent. I could use my magic to escape, however it seemed like doing that would simply put me in potentially greater danger. Enchanter Melida continued speaking, "I kept wondering until Elgar here mentioned Erunder. Do you know who he is?"

"Initiate Elgar is a male elf of Dalish origin. He is in your class and according to most people is very studious and bright." She looked at me annoyed, "Not Elgar damn it! Do you know Erunder?"

"Mage Erunder is a male human with brown hair and brown eyes. He was one of your students until he passed his Harrowing. He was last seen in the Circle around 933 Dragon the month of Matrinalis." I gave her those pertinent details knowing she wouldn't believe me if I said I didn't know him. Most Tranquil know each and every one of the mages here in the Circle at least by name and description. "I assume that he escaped."

Elgar stared at me, his hazel eyes filled with anger. "He didn't escape. He died. Last thing he said was that there was a great power here for Blood Magic a source of power beyond imagining."

That was when I understood where Erunder must have learned Blood Magic from. It was the same woman who was holding me captive in the basement with three of her students. She patted Elgar on the back saying, "Right and here we have that source sitting in front of us. What happened to Erunder Tranquil?"

Deciding what to tell them was actually rather difficult. Too much information about things would have them trying to get me to use my powers, but too little wouldn't be useful either. "He sliced my shoulder and attempted to use my blood to power a spell. It killed him."

"Holy shit! How powerful were you Elsa? Blood Magic gets more powerful over time, but you can't be more than twenty five. You'd have to be slinging Blood Magic right and left to enhance your internal power that much." Well that was information I didn't have before. It didn't help me with this situation, but it was new information.

Esmee moved close and slapped me across the face, "Just tell us about your days using blood magic."

My cheek stung painfully and that pain brought a connection to my power. I whispered, "Conceal don't feel." Melida grabbed my arm saying, "Don't feel? Tranquil can't feel."

"I can't mostly," I spoke trying to think what I should do next. How could I get through these people and save Celeste? Melida pulls her own blade and puts it against my neck. "Can you feel or not?"

"It's not quite a yes or no question." I answer. She frowns and then says, "What about your past and your Blood Magic can you tell me about that?"

"I can't remember much of the time before." She laughed some, "Of course! The fucking Templars can't let you go around with that sort of knowledge can they? Probably had a mage wipe your memory before you were made Tranquil." She walked back and forth after that pacing some.

"I can feel your power thrumming through your veins. You three feel it too right?" The students agreed and she continued, "Erunder died from just a slice of your blood, but maybe I can use it without cutting you?"

She pulled out a small blade and cut into the bottom of her arm. Blood dripped and she seemed to be trying to pull on something. I felt the power inside me, but not too much. It was easy to send it away. She tried to pull again, but I kept control of it keeping it low, not allowing it to escape.

She cursed and used a healing draught to fix her arm. Most likely it was a draught that I had prepared. "It's not working. I can feel the power, but something is holding it down. Maker curse it all!" She stomped back and forth some then stopped and looked at her students.

"Who wants to volunteer to try with just a pin prick?" All three hands went up and she pointed, "Elgar, how about you try." She handed him a small sewing needle and he moved close.

The needle pricked my fingertip and blood dripped from the tip. I felt the pull sudden and powerful, my magic whipped into me and the room. I knew what would happen next and only have a brief moment. I used the power to freeze the blood at the tip of my finger and thus close the wound.

Water had crystalized in the air and Elgar's skin was blue. The other students and Enchanter Melida shivered in the bitter cold even as the teacher said, "Damn! We have to get him to the healer he's suffering from hypothermia."

I think she realized right then because she swore more, "Shit we have the healer here with us. Take him up anyway and put some blankets on him. I'll be right with you soon."

The other two carried him away and Enchanter Melida stared at me, "So that didn't work and now we're stuck with you knowing. I could kill you, but that would ruin any potential for knowledge. So instead I'll make a deal. See if you tell the Templars then we tell the Templars. Any proof that you can still do Blood Magic will get you burned as a Maleficar."

"I will not assist you in your experiments with Blood Magic." She nodded slowly. "Right, that's what you say now, but we'll see Tranquil. We will see."

"I cannot allow you to kidnap me again." She laughed at that, "How are you going to stop us Tranquil?"

"I will have to go to the Templars. I cannot allow myself to be used like this even if it were to cause my death." She sighed and said, "Fine no more experiments for now." She let me go and we ran up the stairs after her students.

When we arrived in the healing office Elgar was under blankets with a roaring fire going. I examined him noting that he had some frost bite that would need to be removed. Then removed it and bandaged him. I spoke to the Green Haired Initiate, Esmee and Rin saying, "You did good work with healing him. Please do not do such dangerous things in the future."

They nodded and left me with Enchanter Melida, a sleeping Elgar, and an unharmed Celeste. "I bet you were something else when you weren't Tranquil. What a damned loss, still maybe we can get your memory back."

"I do not wish to have my memory back. I am satisfied without knowing." She sighed and said, "Yeah, remember our deal okay. No talking and we won't do this again."

"Your terms are acceptable." She left soon after that reply her eyes still watching me as she left.

I am writing this entry even as I watch Elgar and Celeste sleep.

 **935 Dragon, Verimensis 4** **th**

Bethany, Rhialla, and Nymeria returned to the healing center this morning and I informed them of my own ordeal. Their ordeal was a mishandling of release paperwork since they were supposed to be out yesterday.

When they said this I replied, "This means my threat of exposure to Melida may not be as great as I had hoped. Still I doubt she has suborned Knight Captain Cullen or Knight Commander Meredith."

The others agreed with that assessment and we had our class with the Initiates who wished to learn healing along with some other subjects as well.

It was later in the day when Bethany was visiting me in my room when I noted her eyes. Her eyes stayed glued to me for a while. It seemed almost similar to the way Melida had been looking at me so I said. "You don't have any Blood Magic ability do you?"

She shrugged, "Never tried it and not interested Elsa. Why?"

"You were looking at me in a similar way that Enchanter Melida was." I responded. She put a hand on her face and turned red. "Oh that . . . sorry Elsa it's desire."

"You desire my power?"

"Maker no! That would almost be easier. No, I desire you in a more physical fashion." Her cheeks were still red and I understood. "Oh, you become aroused when I am around."

"Not every time you're near, just sometimes. You know I love you Elsa and physical desire is just a part of that. Damn I wish I'd known you before."

"Before the rite of Tranquility?" She nodded and I thought about that for a little while. I remembered something from the past a bit more clearly now a brief moment of freedom, a brief moment of clear joy, but I pushed it aside. Feelings were dangerous and I knew it. People died because of feelings with or without magic. I didn't say anything else and she just hugged me close again and that was the end of the evening.

 **935 Dragon, Pluitanis 18** **th**

Fialla turned 16 three days ago and today and she had her Harrowing. As is my usual I went outside and ensured that none of the Templar in the hallway before the rite was able to smite her.

She survived and is now a Mage and a Healer. With her addition to the ranks we can make more potions and ensure that the Kirkwall Circle can sell them to the general public. This will provide funds for the circle and healing to people of the city.

 **935 Dragon, Pluitanis 24** **th**

I sent some additional letters out to other circles hoping for information about them today. I have not gained much additional knowledge and I had been neglecting this project. Then again, until I get information there is little I can do to compare it to what I have from Kirkwall.

Still there is some data that I can check from just here in Kirkwall. The death rate for mages undergoing a Harrowing has decreased to about 1/3 ever since I began my ritual of ensuring none would be hit with a smite on their way to the Harrowing chamber.

 **935 Dragon, Nubulis 8** **th**

Classes have all been suspended in the Circle today. Knight Commander Meredith has ordered the suspension and a full examination of each classroom. The project is expected to last for at least the entire month.

In the meantime no mages or Initiates may be together in groups larger than four. The younger initiates have been assigned Tranquil caretakers in the meantime. Currently I have Celeste, Adrian, J'mantha, and Celia. The four young Initiates were full of energy today and I attempted to keep them on track.

 **935 Dragon, Nubulis 10** **th**

Caring for young Initiates when they are not taking a class or ill is quite difficult. I have tried to regiment each day, but my efforts are pulled apart by an onrushing chaos. To enforce order on this chaos I have decided to reinstate classes for the Initiates under my care.

 **935 Dragon, Nubulis 16** **th**

Classes with my four initiates seem to keep them in hand for most of the day. It is only during meal periods, bed time, and breaks that they seem to explode into chaos. I have also found myself in need of more clean outfits in the past few days than ever before. Is it possible that the presence of young initiates magically creates dirt?

 **935 Dragon, Nubulis 30** **th**

Normal class sessions have gone back and the Initiates in my care are back under the guidance of their former Enchanters. If I could feel anything I am sure I would be pleased by this. In all honesty the previous arrangement was more taxing to my abilities than anything prior to it.

 **935 Dragon, Eluviesta 10** **th**

The Templars continue to follow the mages around everywhere they go. They lock them into their rooms at night. Mages are not allowed to gather in groups larger than three now including the Initiates except during classroom instruction. The methods are supposed to be there in order to shut down the Mage's underground and yet it seems to me that they have the opposite effect.

 **935 Dragon, Molioris 3** **rd**

Enchanter Thomas Smith took his entire class to the exit of the building. The Templars there tried to stop him and he killed them using Blood Magic. He walked into the Gallows and down the street with his six students. They were: Maria Hunt a human aged fourteen with brown hair and green eyes, Thermina Rowlins a city elf with dyed blue hair and brown eyes aged thirteen, Samuel Kent a human with blonde hair and brown eyes aged ten, Kirsten They'rwulf a dalish elf with brown hair and hazel eyes aged nine, Robert Tarsen a human with brown hair and brown eyes aged twelve, and Michael Trentson a human with blonde hair and green eyes aged seven.

A contingent of Templars rushed to them with swords drawn. They killed them all. I wasn't there, but it was painful to hear when Bethany reported it a tear rolled down my cheek. I had to push the emotion away. Nymeria said that wrong of Enchanter Thomas to kill the Templars and try to leave, but it was also wrong to kill all those children. It made no sense, there was no logic to it at all. Bethany says it is fear and paranoia and I think, yet again, that being Tranquil is better than being anything else.

Isn't it?

 **935 Dragon, Molioris 14** **th**

MIkkel Morrison had his harrowing today. I watched the Templars from my window and ensured that they didn't smite him then returned to the healing center as I packed away my emotions. Sadness and hope mixed together I think.

Later in the day I found out that he succeeded and is now the official Mage Smith of the Circle. His products will be sold to support the circle. Not that they haven't been, but now it can be claimed that a Mage worked them and not just an Initiate.

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 3rd **

Bethany was not in the Healing Center today. I took time to search for her, but she could not be found anywhere. I am at a loss to determine where she might be and it greatly concerns me. She has been a friend for some time and it would be a great loss to be without her presence.

Where are you Bethany?

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 6** **th**

Yesterday on Ferventis 5th Nymeria, Rhialla, and Fialla assisted me in looking for Bethany again this morning. Still there was no sign of her anywhere at all, not even the basement and prison cells. Then at mid-day I received a note telling me that if I wished to see Bethany alive I would follow its instructions and especially I was not to notify anyone else.

I did not desire to see Bethany dead so I followed the instructions whereupon I found a secret room along with Enchanter Melida, a tied up Bethany, and young Rin sitting with a knife to her throat. "Ahh Tranquil, maybe you thought I had forgotten about you?"

"I had hoped that our agreement would remain in place. Logically we were both best served by silence." She nodded slowly, "Oh yes we were at least until I realized that there was something you valued. Even if you are Tranquil I expect that it would distress you to watch as Rin killed your friend."

She stressed the last word and smiled in a disturbing manner. At that moment I thought it would have been better if Bethany and I were not friends. It would have been better for her at the very least.

"I agree it does seem that you possess an advantage. However it also seems that if you kill her you will not ever get my cooperation. In addition what happens when we both depart this room? I have no reason to trust anything you say now that you have proven false." I spoke even as I closed my eyes and concentrated.

The power rose from its slumber and I directed it. Rin's blade was my target and in a mere fraction of a second the metal was frozen, then a bit of movement and it shattered. A moment later and ice coated Rin and Melida covering them in solid blocks. If I did not free them soon they would suffocate and die.

I moved to Bethany and freed her from her bonds. "Next time I think I should not go to class and 'meet you there' correct?" She laughed and hugged me close.

"We should get out of here, but what about these two?"

I melted the ice and noted that they were passed out. "Perhaps this will be an object lesson?"

"Maybe, I still don't like it. I say we report their location." I nodded slowly, such an infraction would imprison them in the cells for quite some time without actually injuring them further.

We reported to Ser Ameril and then went to Bethany's room. She pulled me in to her bed holding me close as we drifted off to sleep. She whispered to me softly, "I love you Elsa."

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 8** **th**

Nymeria has slipped out of any punishments for her actions. This is apparently because simply being in rooms that no one knows exist is not against any rules. In addition although I reported that she assaulted me my own report is worthless since another mage could have ordered me to do so.

This is one situation where being Tranquil is less useful. Though I am sure having emotions would not help either.

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 9** **th**

It seems that Enchanter Melida was not finished with me. She came to my room early in the morning although she did not have any Initiates with her. She smiled a bit and said, "Seems you aren't willing to kill me."

I look at her and shake my head, "No, it is just that you have other agents. Killing you would not stop them."

She nodded, "Logical and correct so why don't we get down to what I want. I want your knowledge of Blood Magic."

"I have informed you that I cannot remember it." She shook her head again, "Oh no, not with that stunt you pulled on me and Rin. You know how to use that power and you're going to tell me how."

I opened my hand and focused on the power. A burst of snow appeared above my hand and I gently let it fly up into the air and then it sublimated. "There, that is your how. I simply will it and it happens."

She stared blankly at my hand. "That's not Blood Magic or if it is it's vastly different from anything I've ever seen. Damn, why didn't you just show me this before?"

"I did not know that showing you would stop you. I still am unsure if it will." She sighed and sat down on the floor. "If you could tell me how you got to this point of ability that would help."

"I was born with it."

She frowned, "That's not possible."

"Nor is a Tranquil that can use magic. Basically this is something beyond any of your understanding of how magic works. It has some small relationship to blood magic perhaps a bit like the Ocean has a relationship to a puddle."

"You just call it up?" I nodded and said, "Yes, and emotions come with it. Tranquility pushes the emotions and power away, but like a blanket the Tranquility can be lifted."

She nodded slowly, "So you can't teach it and if we use your blood then we get what happened to Erunder and Elgar?"

I nodded, "I believe that the cold does not affect my body whereas it clearly affects other people who try and use it." She sighed softly, "A magic using Tranquil and no use at all."

"Use to learning Blood Magic no. Use to whatever plans you may have most likely not either as I suspect you are involved with the Mages underground and their actions are not useful to the situation here in the Kirkwall circle."

"Yeah sure, I guess. For what it's worth I'm sorry." She stood and exited my room even as I replied, "Apology accepted."

Later in the day I reported the encounter to our group. The other Healers were not convinced that we had seen the last of Melida, but I was relatively sure. I said, "I am more concerned about people like her."

Bethany nodded saying, "People willing to hurt others to get at your power hmm. I guess we just have to be on the lookout for them although it might not hurt to practice with your speed."

Nymeria nodded saying, "Yes, we will find a suitable location and you will see how fast you can access and use your power."

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 14** **th**

It took some time before we found a place and time that we could practice. Well so I could practice. It turned out that I could access and use my power in mere moments. This meant that the patients in the Healing Center and the Healers would all be protected if another group decided to attack.

It still might reveal my powers, but that was a risk we were all willing to take since it was clear that people's safety should come first. Even when weighed against world shattering revelations.

 **936 Dragon, Ferventis 23** **rd**

My power is very easy to access quickly and with precision. If fear is supposed to be my enemy then I have conquered that enemy with ease. I can pull up my power and create ice within mere moments. I can make chunks, spears, coat an object, or freeze it to a point that it shatters.

The emotions that come with the power are more difficult. It takes at least thirty minutes to process them and then push them all away and embrace Tranquility. That's about the same amount of time it takes when I assist at the Harrowings. Even so, when our tests are complete it is less . . . well less of everything. I put the emotions away and everything seems easier. The only limitation is that I am less able to understand the emotions I and others feel.

 **936 Dragon, Solis 3** **rd**

Mages Ivan, Lucious, and Kevin came into the Healing Center this evening. We had no patients in residence. Mage Ivan approached Healer Nymeria saying, "How do you store power in the Tranquil?"

"I don't, you're entirely mistaken." She twirled a silvery hair around her ear and he frowned. His thumb and pointer finger ran through his beard. "Come now it is just us here, we know you are also Blood Mages and we want to share resources."

Bethany walked in to the room from the office saying, "Elsa isn't a resource, and she's a person."

The three men laughed with Lucious saying, "She's no more a person than a Mabari. I've had little bitches just like her at a mere command. Yes sir, as you please sir if you ask me all women would be better made Tranquil."

Nymeria spoke softly though her body was shivering. "You three will leave now and you will not return."

Keven drew his staff saying, "That's where you're wrong." He cast a spell that hit Nymeria and she fell to her knees screaming with fear. Ivan had thrown a similar spell and Bethany, but she shook it off and drew her own staff. I simply pulled on my power it rose into me along with a powerful rage.

A single gesture and all three men were encased in blocks of ice. I moved to Ivan freeing his face and speaking, "You will leave and you will never return. If you do not, I will kill you do you understand?"

"You . . . you can't cast . . ." How familiar a reaction I grow an Ice spear from my hand and it slowly pushes into the shell of ice I placed around him. "I can and I will. Now, do you understand the options I provided to you?"

The point of my ice spear was shoved against his chest poking right at his heart. He nodded slowly, "I . . . I understand. We'll go and we won't return."

Nymeria had recovered by now and with Bethany she was holding out her staff. I released the three mages sublimating the ice and they departed at a run. I watched them go even though I wanted to kill them wanted to shove ice into them until they died a hundred times. Bethany put a hand on my shoulder, "They are gone you can put it away now."

I focused on the power and pushed it down with it went the searing rage and desire to kill. "More who know." I looked at Nymeria even as I focused on setting my anger aside, "Maybe it would be easier to kill them."

"Kill who?" Rhialla said walking into the Healing Center with a book. Nymeria looked to her saying, "Blood Mages apparently. It seems that our Elsa has a bit of a temper some times."

"Oh is everyone okay or are we finding a spot for a body?" Nymeria frowned, "That is not funny Rhialla she didn't kill anyone."

"Seems like she has a good control on the temper then." Bethany nodded at Rhialla's statement and smiled at me, "She does with a little help from her friends. Where's Fialla?"

"Visiting with our resident Blacksmith, she'll be safe with him I think."

Bethany frowned, "Visiting with MIkkel Morrinson? Didn't he just have a Harrowing?"

"Yes, a few weeks ago."

"No _visiting_." Rhialla extended the word and licked her lips.

"Relationships between Mages are frowned on."

Rhialla chuckled, "Yes and so would harboring a Tranquil that can cast the most powerful magic in Thedas. If I could find a guy as nice looking and well nice as MIkkel I'd not let pesky rules like that stand in my way? Don't tell me you never?"

Nymeria looked off and shrugged, "We all have I think. It's human nature to bond in pairs men and women or men and men or women and women. We bond together and sometimes it falls apart. Sometimes it's more numbers and more complicated, but I think it's not all that different. We are looking to fill a place in our hearts. "

We were all silent for a time and then Nymeria shook her head, "That was it, I'm not giving you full details and I'm sure we can find things to do."

"What about our three guests?" Bethany asked.

"I think we did the best we could unless we want to start killing people who attack us. Maybe they will spread the news and maybe they won't. I doubt they will be running to the Templars though."

 **936 Dragon, Matrinalis 14** **th**

The Healing Center has been its usual rustle of activity although Fialla has certainly been more absent than here. We haven't really required so many healers in residence, but it's easier if we stay together. I suppose you could say we are one of the smallest factions in the Kirkwall Circle. The other factions would be the Enchanters, the Mages Underground, the Blood Mages, and everyone else.

In some ways I wonder if Knight Commander Meredith understands that her rules have not just created the factions, but they have also given them more ability to be secret. By that I mean she has basically created a perfect structure for them simply because these groups can set themselves up like a pyramid and on person will never know more than six other people. This means if any single mage goes to the Templars or is somehow suborned by them the structure of the Mages Underground or Blood Mages will not collapse.

I really haven't had time to keep count of the Mages in residence and Initiates nor have I received any additional information from other Circles.

 **936 Dragon, Matrinalis 18** **th**

Fialla spends a great deal less time with us and more time assisting at the Blacksmith's. My companions miss her presence and I am sure I would too were my emotions out. Even so it seems best that we allow her to experience what she has with her lover. Well perhaps not best, best would be to avoid breaking rules, but I see little reason for the rule in the first place. After all if mages do not reproduce then sooner or later there will be no more mages.

I wonder if that is the idea though. Is it possible that the institution of that rule was in the hopes that mages would someday cease to exist?

 **936 Dragon, Parvulis 23** **rd**

For a short while we weren't receiving cases of battered and bruised mages. Now we get them every day and the mage we are healing is escorted to a cell once we are done. We've also been getting cases of Templars who have been burned, chilled, and even driven wild with terror.

The work is tiring and I barely even have time to write in my diary lately. Until the situation improves I will have to set my writing aside.

 **937 Dragon, Nubulis, 8** **th**

I have little time to write, but this diary will serve as a record to any who may survive. The situation since my previous writing did not improve. In fact everything just got worse, more and more rules were piled onto the mages and the mages became more and more desperate to escape or venture into forbidden magic.

Today everything has come to a head. Apostate Mage Anders has blown up the Chantry with Grand Cleric Elthina inside. Knight Commander Meredith and First Enchanter Orsino have had an argument outside the Circle and then she turned saying she was calling for the Rite of Annulment.

There are a hundred initiates in the Kirkwall circle. Only twenty of them are above the age of 16 there is no logical reason that these children should die. There are 78 mages here and 48 of them are Enchanters. Most of who simply teach the Initiates how to use their powers. I find no logical reason that these people should die. The only option to prevent this is to fight though. So I am going to go out and fight. The last time I did this the city of Kirkwall was in danger, now it is just the Circle of Mages, but it is still the most reasonable option.

If you are reading this diary, then I did not return for it. It is my preference that I am alive, at that time and that you can return it to me, but if that is not the case, then please try and find one of my friends.

Thank you,

Elsa Arendelle

 **937 Dragon, Eluviesta 13** **th**

My Sister, that's usually Hawke to most people, I think she really hates her name. I mean really Penelope? I'd just go by Hawke too if that was my name. Anyway her associate, an Apostate mage named Anders, he blew up the Chantry building with Elthina inside!

I couldn't believe it, what kind of monster blows up an entire building? I don't think he was even sorry after it happened. He kept going on about how things needed to change and how there needed to be a catalyst. Honestly I think I'm glad my sister killed him. For what he did I think he deserved it.

Knight Captain Meredith was really pissed about the whole thing and called down the right of Annulment. The Maker's damned Rite! She and her Templars were going to march on the Circle and kill us all. Well my Sister comes and says she's going to fight for us. I said, "Look we can handle the Templars here. You need to stop Meredith!"

Well at least I thought we could handle the Templars. But honestly they were killing mages left and right and then First Enchanter Orsino used Blood Magic and basically turned himself into a demon not just any demon either. He was a Harvester! He wiped them all out killed every Templar and then he started in on us mages. We fought against that thing, but it was so very powerful and it was just summoning up demons from the fade like water from a well.

That was when Elsa came onto the scene. That silvery blonde hair was up in a tight bun and her blue eyes were so cold and severe. Maker just seeing her there made my heart rise. I wished she could feel even one tenth of what I felt for her.

She turned to the creature Orsino had become and opened her hands. Snow fell from the sky and ice shot across the ground. The creature Orsino had become turned to her and charged. It didn't even make five feet before it became solid.

I don't mean covered in ice, although there was some of that. No I mean it literally became a solid as every bit of liquid in it froze. Then she hurled a shard of ice into it and it just shattered into thousands of little pieces. It wasn't over though, the Templars were still trying to invade. She was gorgeous, like a goddess of ice she moved through them. I followed behind watching the sheer majesty as she demolished everything in her path.

I can't even remember where we were in the city when we found Meredith fighting my sister and her allies. That glowing red sword was too much for them though. She flung them back like they were chaff in the wind. Elsa just walked past and the two seemed to size each other up. I heard Meredith say, "A Tranquil and still casting it's not possible. It's not!"

Elsa's voice was cold and filled with anger, "Words I have heard before, but it is in fact possible. I am here and I am using my powers right now."

"Maleficar!" Meredith shouted and Elsa spoke softly, "I am not the woman who told her Templars to kill innocent children. I am not the woman who tormented hundreds of mages with cruel rules and bestial Templars. I have mended the wounds on mages that your men have caused at your urging. Seen mages hung and burned with show trials and I did nothing for fear that my powers and abilities would shatter the very foundations of your world. I have hidden myself in Tranquility and refused to face the utter travesty that was going on in front of my eyes."

Ice crackled around her forming a sort of arena around the two of them and also changing her tranquil robes into a magnificent blue dress. Her hair came from its bun and she styled it into a braid. "It ends here!"

Meredith charged at her even as I was helping my sister and her friends get up using the last of my mana to heal them. Whatever freezing thing Elsa had done to Orsino it wasn't working on Meredith. She hacked at the blonde woman who just kept putting up huge columns to block the blows and threw ice spears like they were darts.

My sister and her friends were watching too. Well most of them, Varrick was still unconscious. "You have to help her." I said and my sister nodded, but it was too late. Elsa missed a block and Meredith's sword sliced into Elsa's arm and blood began to flow. Then there was nothing.

I woke up on a boat with my sister and her friends along with Nymeria, Rhialla, Fialla and Mikkel. Nymeria handed me this diary and said, "Here I think she would have wanted you to have this."

I nodded slowly and took the journal into my hands. Then I read it and Maker she came alive in my heart even more after that. There was a deeply passionate soul in her so much that Tranquility couldn't keep it down and not even she could always keep it down. There was some bright spark of freedom inside and she just kept pushing it away.

I'll keep this journal with me in the hopes that someday I can give it to her. Because they found Meredith's dead body broken and bleeding next to a shattered sword, but they didn't find Elsa and that means she has to be out there somewhere. So I'm going to find her and when I do I'll let her know just how much she meant to me too.

Love Always,

Bethany Hawke

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Okay so if you have questions review or send a pm I usually respond.

Timeline - It's the best I could do based on Dragon Age wiki timelines

Elsa's magic - I mixed it a bit with blood magic just to have that, but as you can tell it's far beyond anything Thedas has ever seen. I've played the games a few times and even tried a winter based mage, they have NOTHING on what Elsa is clearly capable of in Frozen.

Other works - Look for a sequel with a certain Ice powered person playing the role of Inquisitor. Also I'll be posting something original on Word Press soonish I think. I have 20 pages of it and I want to do more before I actually post it.

Old works - Waiting for my muse.

Errors - Did the best I could went through this a few times for grammar and spelling. If I have more please let me know. Maybe some day I'll get a real editor, until then you guys are my best option. So if you find it let me know and I'll fix it.

Thanks again for reading.

Ysolde


End file.
